Choose to Love

Love your neighbor as you love yourself. How many times have we as parents and teachers fallen back on this… the second greatest commandment…to establish peace and order? How many times have we used it to teach a child empathy? 

It is timeless. The Golden Rule. It has been applied for all ages across all situations that require virtue regardless of cultural background.

Sadly, we tend to focus on just the first three words, forgetting the dangling truth that makes loving one’s neighbor even possible…love of self.  What a fruitless application of this opportunity for grace if we never become intentional about knowing and loving ourselves first. 

Jesus Christ makes it clear. 

Love God (with all your heart, all your mind, and all your soul.)

Love yourself (know yourself…grow yourself.)

Love your neighbor (as you love yourself.)

If you hate yourself, how then can you love your neighbor as yourself? 

If you are merciful with yourself, how much more mercy you will receive and offer to your spouse, your friends, your children, your students…your nemesis.

In our Catholic schools the weeks leading up to Holy week can often become overwhelming. We are all a little stir crazy. We all need sunshine. We get a little spread thin and emotionally charged. It is Lent. We’re trying so hard to discipline ourselves and noticing with more clarity than ever our shortcomings. 

Don’t let this be cause to lose peace of heart. If you lose peace of heart with yourself, you will lose peace of heart in your relationships. 

During the school mass homily this week, Fr. Roy reminded all of us that Love is a choice. Everyday we must wake up and choose to love God - not matter what crosses and challenges we face. 

We must wake up and choose to love ourselves. We must recommit to having a growth mindset about our virtuous life. We are called to reexamine who we are through tools like the temperaments. We must choose to battle our vices and share our intentionally share our virtues and charisms.

Only now can we choose to love our neighbor. We can focus on relationships with a growth mindset by “starting over” not just daily, but hourly, even by the minute…Realizing that in every encounter is a piece of yourself in the other. Only then can we live out the greatest commandment.  

Let go of your fixed mindset that convinces us we must prove ourselves to God. We can’t. Do not become discouraged by failures and try to hide your deficiencies.  You can’t. He sees into our very depths. Let us try instead to see ourselves the same.

Choose today to Love God with a growth mindset. Open your heart, your mind, your soul unto Him with all its imperfection and say, “Lord, help me to achieve my unknowable potential. You created me. Keep creating me over and over again. Then let His grace and mercy just fill you.

Choose today to Love God above all else.

Choose today to Love Yourself.

Aha Moment!

This week, I had a nugget that I took to God in prayer. I was listening to the Jennifer Fulwiler Show on the Catholic Channel. She had a a guest on who had inspired her to grow in self knowledge by contemplating her charism. Since growing in self-knowlege to lead a virtuous life is the crux of this blog, I mentally tuned in and then did some of my own research when I got home. 

This wasn’t the first time I ever heard of charisms or even thought of my own. Many parishes as part of the new evangelization offer workshops to help each person discover their charism and then share it with others. Yet, this was the first time though that I have ever thought about charism in relationship to growth mindset and the temperaments.

What makes a charism? 

(http://www.standrebessette.org/discovering-your-charisms.html)

1.  An unmistakable inner experience of peace, energy and joy when you are using the gift.  It energizes you!

2.  Unusually effective and successful results in what you’re trying to accomplish

3.  Other people’s direct or indirect recognition of the gift’s presence

The guest on the Jennifer Fulfiller Show (I wish I remembered her name!) said two other things that resonated with me. 

• We all receive our charisms at Baptism.

• In expanding on the second signpost of charism, she mentioned that most things we do or accomplish are proportionate to the amount of effort that we put in. But, a charism is disproportionate. God’s graces are working through the person to help us complete His mission on earth.

 What is the difference between a talent and a charism then? Remember the core of Carol Dweck’s research on mindset is that basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work. Brains and talent are just the starting point. I have argued that we must apply this mindset to becoming saints as we strive to live virtuous lives. We must know what virtue looks like and sounds like and put daily effort into exercising the cardinal virtues. 

Yet, the theological virtues of Faith, Hope, and Charity are given to us freely at baptism…much like our charisms. 

I started thinking about this blog. When I first started out, I never would have imagined I’d make it to week 18. (Yes, I’m counting!) But, I knew that it was something I had to do. God simply made that clear. People have said to me, “I don’t know how you do it? Where do you find the time?” I never really had an answer for that since I often struggle to find the time to accomplish human basic needs like cooking and sleep! 

I usually say something like, “The blog has been a gift. It gives me energy that I can’t explain. I’ve missed writing so much since I started in administration.” Aha! That statement alone is the first sign that this is my charism. I've also experienced people email me or come to me and say, "Your last post really hit home. Thank you." Signpost # 3. It is clear that when it comes to my writing, God is at the helm, not me. 

After googling a little bit and taking a few charism inventories online, I started applying these concepts to my vocation both as a mother and as a lay minister in administration. Not surprising, my highest categories revolved around evangelization, teaching, servant leadership, encouragement, and mission. It’s no surprise then that I am most fed by opportunities to lead the children and staff in prayer, when I am in classrooms, or when given the opportunity to help fulfill God’s purpose by motivating a group of people to make a vision a reality.

Ironically, administration as a charism was not in my top five. It was in the middle. Does this mean I’m not good at it? Absolutely not. It just means that the skills I possess in  administration, such as planning and executing policies, take direct effort and what talent I have can and must be cultivated. What I put in, I’ll get out. God will do great things with this effort and it is essential to grow in virtue, but it is not my charism. 

Aha. I understand now. In truth, I am not getting the same energy and joy from executing these parts of my job as I do from those moments when I get to lead people, pray with people, and inspire them. I also need to be aware of when things outside my charism are dominating my “action items” and time so that I don’t get the sense of burning out.  That is of course what the evil one wants!

I encourage teachers who are feeling burned out to take a charism inventory. I have added some to the resources on the left side of this blog. If your charism is hospitality, take some time to do something special to your classroom environment for celebrating writing milestones. If your charism is music, incorporate it into your instructional delivery. The list goes on and on! 

If you are a parent the same challenge applies. Maybe you are stressing out because you’ve been running your children from activity to activity and you’ve barely had time to make dinner or pick up the house. If your charism is hospitality or service, then this will become very draining! 

Likewise, if your charism is knowledge and you have been struggling to create space for daily prayer, yet alone immerse yourself in “diligent study and intellectual activity that enables us to better understand God, ourselves, and the universe,” then you’re likely to feel unidentified resentment toward your spouse and children amidst the laundry, dishes, and other responsibilities of parenting.

Our temperaments help us to grow in self-knowledge so we can have better relationships with those whom we journey on this pilgrimage. But, knowing our charisms will help us to grow in self-knowledge so we can have a better relationship with our Creator. By exercising our charism, we will not only grow in deeper relationship with our loving God, but we will also draw others to His most sacred heart as we submit to Him and His great plan for each of us. 

God Never Changes

Change. My school has undergone a lot of it. For the past forty five years most Catholic schools can say the same. They have been grappling with change and the insurmountable tension that coexists within its grip.

Whenever I give a workshop I start with two things. The first is the St. Teresa of Avila prayer:

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.

The second is a graph that shows how Catholic schools have changed since 1920 in relation to vocations. In 1920, Catholic schools were run by the Religious at 90% and Lay people made up about 10% of the staff. In 2017, we have quite the opposite. The Religious make up only about 3% of our staff and Lay people about 97%. 

Sometimes I just let people stare at this and I ask them to infer and wonder what implications this has on today’s reality for Catholic schools.

The implications are many…the absolute necessity for lay people to be well formed in the faith…the financial reality of paying a fair and just wage to teachers and principals and then balancing that with tuition costs…the need for deep and substantive religious education programs…the list of insights can go on and on.

Yet, our goal remains the same as it did in 1920. 

Save souls.

Give the children everything they need, so that in the thick of it all they know how to love like Jesus did, how to sacrifice, and how to let virtue be the light that guides their path in a broken world.

What is the answer? The answer is what it has always been. We need to receive the Eucharist. It will nourish a growth mindset like that of the saints - disciplined, courageous, and willing to be led by the Spirit. It will nourish Christ centered relationships in our lives that will be transformed by sincerity, honesty, and love. 

“Let nothing disturb you.

Let nothing frighten you.

All things are passing away…”

We have seen Catholic schools consolidate, close, and in some cases grow in the last 15 years. For the latter, it takes a positive response to change and a team with a true attitude of discipleship amidst the growing pains. We have been creative with our budgets so as to ease the burden that a parish will bear to keep its doors open. We have been blessed by volunteerism and the generosity of benefactors.

Yet, trying to stand firm as to the great gift every child receives when he or she is at the table of the Lord more often - well that is hard to communicate amidst the daily frustrations of miscommunication, homework, classroom management, and all the little fires that are a natural result of an institution whose core is "people." As a principal, I find myself often sorting through various conflicts amidst individuals all trying to do their best to parent and to teach and to keep our school open. 

God never changes.

Patience obtains all things. 

My peace this past year has come from a trust in the divine and providential. It has come from seeing beneath every moment of distress, the love that brought it to the surface, and responding with the same impulse of love. I have learned that all things truly are passing and God’s will be done… I do not question Him. I lean into the wind.

Whoever has God lacks nothing;

God alone suffices. 

Distractions

When you have three kids under the age of four, celebrating mass becomes a whole different experience. Trying to maintain reverence and focus while you’re separating children, mixing bottles, teaching a whisper, getting puked on, getting your hair pulled, opening another baggie of fruit snacks after losing count of how many they’ve had already (thanks grandma)…it’s a different challenge for sure, especially when your husband works retail every other weekend. Yet, as is the focus of this blog, a great practice in virtue. 

I’ve learned to wear beads as a necklace or bracelet that will entertain the baby. I’ve learned that cheerios can get crushed so fruit snacks are the better option in desperate moments. And, I’ve learned to always read and study the readings before mass because the chance that I’ll get distracted during one is 99%. 

Distraction. 

I was sharing this as a cross of mine with Fr. Roy awhile back. When you have 35 plates spinning at once, it is an obvious monster to conquer. In school administration managing that distraction is one thing, but at mass it’s a whole different ball game. I mean, here is Jesus Christ before me; body, blood, soul, and divinity. He wants to tell me something, but I’m wiping up milk from a broken sippy cup praying that the family behind me didn’t see. 

One suggestion Matthew Kelly makes in his newest book, Resisting Happiness, is to take a journal with you to mass. Jot down something from a liturgical prayer, the homily, the Word… in which you hear God’s voice. I told Fr. Roy I thought this would be a good idea for me and inquired if that would be a distraction to him as a priest if people were sitting there jotting things down? 

For example, the words from his last homily, “Cooperate with God’s grace,” were what I needed to hear. That’s it. I didn’t want to forget the way it struck my heart. I did write it down and I have revisited those four words often in prayer since. 

Grace is God’s unmerited favor upon us, yet I can’t just sit around burying my share of His grace in the ground hoping to preserve it. No. It is a call to action.

Having a growth mindset means taking risks for God, putting yourself out there, messing up trying, and going back humbly and saying to Him, “Where did I go wrong?” 

Then, hearing the loving and gentle voice of God saying, “I love you. Your intentions were pure. I will help you try it another way. I am God and I will make what I want from this situation happen anyway…more good than you can every imagine has come from what you call mistakes. Trust in me.”

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee…

Mary cooperated with God’s grace. It was not passive. She made an active choice despite the incredible amount of fear, doubt, and insanity surrounding the situation. She said yes. She, out of her own free will and total submission to the Lord, said Yes. 

Let Mary be our example this week as we weed out distractions to hear God’s voice so we might be able to fully cooperate with His grace. By doing so our eyes will be open to the relationships in front of us that need Him and using what we’ve learned from the temperaments to respond. 

What did you decide to give up or do more this Lent? Managing distractions will help us make choices grounded in a growth mindset like that of the saints - ready and willing to take a risk, ready and willing to hang ourselves up on the Cross with Him, ready and willing to trust God in all we do.