Smallness

Tis’ the season…. I wake up. Tip-toeing around like usual so the slightest sound doesn’t wake the baby…or the toddler..or the preschooler. I admit…sometimes I say my morning prayer in the bathroom with the door closed afraid that once I exit and a footstep is heard, my window of quiet time will be lost. 

Today I decide to courageously light the Advent wreath on the little table in our kitchen. I open the junk drawer ever so carefully to not make a sound as I retrieve the lighter. Once successful, I sit down and take a deep breath and look around me. Above me hangs the Christmas cards that have been trickling in. The light catches glitter on one and my attention draws to the stable animals. Then, I lean over and reread the mass card I received from my mother. I opened it yesterday, but did not really pay attention as I should have when I hung it up with the others.

“A God who became so small, could only be mercy and love.”

 ~ St. Therese. 

The familiar “pricklies” that I’ve come to know course through my body and rise to my cheeks making a burning sensation. I have come to call this very tangible feeling of the Holy Spirit rising in me a kiss or a hug from my Lord. He speaks to me through this and I always know it is Him. 

Smallness.

How contrary to this reflection of St. Therese does Christmas seem to be. Big gifts, Big meals, Big gatherings. 

Yet, I think in my day to day life to those moments I make myself small so I can see with a real lens the needs of those I encounter…my students, my teachers, my parents, my friends, my own children, and so often last, my husband. 

We are prone to judgment, to excuses, to our own limited reality. How do we make ourselves small like the infant Jesus? I have already shared the Litany of Humility in this blog from which I have received so much strength from consistent daily meditation, which in my opinion is the cornerstone of a growth mindset.

My moments of anxiety, bitterness, self-doubt stem from those times I curse my unfinished and cluttered house, my lack of balance between work and home, my lack of quiet time to write and pray, my parenting skills. It’s a lot of racket I want to escape, but I can’t because I have responsibilities to my family and my community.

I just recently shared with my staff the following Steve Jobs video. He explains how his metaphor for teamwork came from a humble interaction with an elderly widowed man whom he knew from cutting his lawn. Making himself small enough to interact with him taught a lesson that shaped Steve Jobs life. The metaphor revolves around the exploration of an old machine in his garage to polish ordinary stones. 

While the stones were in the simple machine overnight, they made a lot of racket…but ultimately were smooth and beautiful to behold. This metaphor can be explored in great depth. But, let me say, I find it most beautiful that this moment ever occurred because Mr. Jobs wasn’t distracted or prideful, but made himself small, curious, and open to the world around him.

Sin is the racket in my life that takes me from this openness. The evil one uses my own insecurities to generate that anxiety, bitterness, and self doubt. It is loud and chaotic in my spirit at these times, yet they always bring me to my knees in supplication for God’s mercy. They always make me small, so I can receive his mercy and love.

In all of these real and vulnerable moments there is the little hand of my Lord, with his teeny tiny fingers holding on to my pointer finger. His trust is in Mary. He is God of the universe, so small, humble, and pure. That is why the evil one will always lose when we call upon the name above all names, Jesus Christ.

This Advent season I pray that God heals us. I pray that through our trials and our joys, He makes us small, like Him. 

“A God who became so small, could only be mercy and love.”

~St. Therese

Deliver Me

“Perfection is the enemy of progress.” This quote has surfaced a few times in professional dialogue over the course of the past few weeks. Today we will reflect upon how a focus on perfection can damage the very heart of relationships we depend upon to grow in virtue. 

In education, we are surrounded by people all day long...our students, our colleagues, our coaches and administrators, parents, and  community members. It is a profession built upon relationships with other.

My daily goal and prayer is to learn from every person I encounter each day, and do so with an unbiased approach through which the Holy Spirit can flow. This sounds so easy to write, yet if actively and honestly applying this approach, the challenge is immense. Why? The answer is our pride. As a matter of fact, our biases can blind us so deeply that they even make some people and moments invisible to us. In a addition, a sense of perfection can drive an unhealthy sense of competition amongst those we are called to support and learn from.

Humility is at the heart of a growth mindset. I am convinced it is the virtue on which all temperaments stand on common ground. It is from humility that the beautiful roots of self growth and collective growth is possible when we collaborate with others at professional development, in PLC’s or grade level teams, or in one on one exchanges. It is at the heart of family life as we sacrifice our own self-interest to elevate our spouse or children.

Regardless of our temperament, pride can get in the way of progress. So often a very palpable sense of competition might take over a choleric, or the joyful “know it all” of a sanguine clouds opportunities to genuinely listen, a narrow sense of justice might blind the melancholic, or lack of confidence may be disguised as humility by the phlegmatic who doesn’t want to give input or rock the boat. All of these tendencies stem from pride. Yet, once aware of them we can be intentional about pushing through and getting to the heart of our personal goal or team goal.

Here’s a phrase we throw around a lot as educators and parents. “Pick your battles.” There are times we know it best in our heart not to engage with another that is inviting conflict, whether it be a student or an adult, yet so often we make the wrong choice for the wrong reasons. 

Our pride invites us to engage - maybe somebody is watching the interaction and we don’t want to be judged...maybe the burning need to be respected is driving our response. What would happen if we removed “all eyes” - even our own - from the situation except Christ’s? Would we respond differently? 

To establish authority and show who is in charge is not necessarily wrong. As a matter of fact, to establish a culture of learning in our classroom or a culture of love in our homes, this is very necessary . Yet, pride is often a barrier as to how the Spirit might lead us in these intimate exchanges with those we love. 

The following is a Litany of Humility that I believe is at the core of growing in virtue and all other virtues: 

O Jesus meek and humble of heart, Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver, me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being extolled, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being honored, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being praised, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being preferred to others, Deliver me Jesus.

From the desire of being consulted, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being approved, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being humiliated, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being despised, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of suffering rebukes, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being calumniated, Deliver, me, Jesus.

From the fear of being forgotten, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being ridiculed, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being wronged, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being suspected, Deliver me, Jesus. 

That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus grant me the grace to desire it.

That in the opinion of the world, others may increase, and I may decrease, 

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be praised and I unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may become holier than I, provided that I become as holy as I should,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

Pride muddies everything. It is a cover up we depend on so we feel emotionally strong and confident and avoid the very naked awareness of our vulnerability. We “self talk” our way out of feeling the burn of being humbled when our pride backfires on us and someone gets hurt. We go to others and commiserate to soften the blow. Let’s take it to the cross instead and be empowered by the merciful love our Savior. 

Once intentional reflection and practice on the virtue of humility becomes the blood that flows through our every discourse and each exchange with a loved one, co-worker, or student… our own path becomes that much clear as we are lead by the Spirit. 

Perfection is the enemy of progress, especially as we strive to grow in holiness.

White Spaces

When you read a book words matter, of course! But have you ever thought about the purpose of the white space? …Everything between the straight, black, carefully ordered lines? I’ve always believed it is in the white space that a book takes life, information grabs hold of our imagination, and we become transformed. 

In prayer recently, the Holy Spirit struck my heart. He told me - I am the white space of your prayer and your day. He not only surrounds us, but if we humble ourselves - He leads. 

Having a growth mindset means trusting in that white space…engaging in those moments when the perfect lesson plan goes astray. Where is God leading you and your students? It is the moment in the hallway with a student whose not even “your own” that you encounter, help, notice, and breathe life into. It is the coworker who you sense needs you and you respond - even if it means abandoning your own agenda for the moment. 

When I lay my head down at night and reflect upon my day, it is very rarely the words in black that I wrote that have changed me and helped me to grow in virtue. It is usually the white space in which the Holy Spirit was constantly moving and I following with childlike innocence, trusting that I am responding as He wishes. 

Creating a plan certainly is virtuous in itself. We know that we find God in order, not chaos. Doing our best to prepare for a day lessens anxiety so we might better hear God’s voice in the white space. Yet, I have found in those unpredictable moments we are given opportunities of grace. Our day becomes a dialogue with God rather than our own narrative. 

This is true also of our prayer life. Do you have white space in your prayer routine? Are you always in the lead when you pray or do you let God lead? Sometimes it’s not what we say, but what we don’t say that God might hear. I have found on some days my “white space” is cloudy, not clear. I need God to breath His love so I might become His story. 

The Process

Last weekend my family went up to our little cabin that my husband has been hand building the past four years on his limited vacation days…a small little dream that he's trying to make a reality for his sons. This final long weekend of the summer was dedicated to trenching and laying wire so we might one day have electricity…(my hopes for solar power were sadly diminished over time due to the property being fully wooded.) 

During the process of trenching, I felt a sense of sadness overcome me. Up until now, the long stretch of “driveway” has been where the children’s activity has taken place. I love the way the pine needles have fallen over the years, mixing in with the sandy dirt making a natural pathway. I have fond memories of walking the babies in the stroller up and down this path and watching them play. 

As I watched the trench snake its way down the middle of this precious path, I found myself wondering if it would ever be the same again.

As we dug, we found giant rocks and even boulders that would stop us along the way. It took both of us to lift some of them out. There were so many that we joked that if we would’ve known, we could have used the stones for the cabin instead of siding. 

I found myself talking to God through this process trying to find joy in the dream we were realizing together, rather than resentment that this may be the way I was spending my last few days with the family before the craziness of the new school year would fully set in. 

In my prayer, I realized that deepening our relationship with Him sometimes requires disrupting the peaceful status quo. It was messy and unpredictable at times, but we had to trust that eventually we would make it. We also had to depend on each other along the way. Even the little boys had responsibilities and actually seemed to enjoy them. 

We all need to take time to dig deeply, but not just dig a hole - rather a trench! We can spend a lot of time trying to know God, only to come up feeling exhausted and wondering where He is at in the face of trials. We dig deeper, sometimes becoming skeptical or scrupulous, instead of moving forward into His loving embrace.

You see... we we’re on a very specific path. God wants us to be specific in our prayer and our direction as we find our way to His most Sacred Heart with the Holy Spirit as our guide. The cabin will be nice one day I'm sure, but the most real "dream" we should all be focusing on is of course heaven. 

There were so many rocks piled up at the end of our venture, I wondered how we could possibly fill it all back in without them. I couldn’t believe what existed beneath that seemingly calm, sandy layer of soil  brushed sweetly with pine needles. What is hidden deep down in your heart that is weighing you down?

God is the master builder. If we take the time to gut the rocks that are weighing us down that keep us further from Him (resentment, unnecessary judgment, needless worries, anger, regret…) then He will bless us by not only by filling it all in with His love, but making the path to eternity more beautiful than it was when we started. 

Sweet Surrender

This summer I’ve been reflecting on control. My sister gave me this beautiful Surrender Novena.It perfectly encapsulates the truths of the Spirit that have been guiding us in previous posts, and of course, it was just what I needed. 

Surrender.

When you pray do you start out with a list of your needs, petitions, thanksgivings, or sorrows? Does this progress into your list of ways you’ve been working on redemption? Are you doing all the work and making sure God knows?

Or, do you do as the second reading in this past Sunday’s liturgy of the word suggests? 

The Spirit comes to the aid of our weakness;

for we do not know how to pray as we ought,

but the Spirit himself intercedes with inexpressible groanings. 

And the one who searches hearts

knows what is the intention of the Spirit,

because he intercedes for the holy ones according to God's will.

(Romans 8:26-27)

It’s hard to give up control…

Even when we pray.

Depending on your natural temperament, relinquishing control may come slightly easier for the easy going phlegmatic and more difficult for the brazen choleric, but other crosses of anxiety and despair might dominate in its place. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about anxiety lately. Mainly because everyone I speak with I feel is struggling with it in some way or another. I argue it is very connected to our sense of control. Perhaps it is the impossible demands of our culture and influences we can’t escape or even worse aren’t even aware of…wordly pressures for esteem, a picture perfect house or body, popularity…even on social media. 

If we can use the fruits of the spirit as a tool to understand God’s will in our lives and for reassurance that we are His path and not ours, then I also think we can use anxiety as a measure as well. I believe it is a modern day tactic of Satan to distract us from our beautiful relationship with God. 

Does this sound familiar?

Deliver us, Lord, from every evil, and grant us peace in our day.
In your mercy keep us free from sin and protect us from all anxiety as we wait in joyful hope for the coming of our Saviour, Jesus Christ.

It should. The priest says it every mass before we conclude the Our Father. It’s important.

Let me share how easily the devil can work through a very ordinary moment for any working family and how we might use our sense of anxiety and our sense of the fruits of the Spirit to do God's will:

We’ve returned home from being up north. There are ten loads of laundry to be done. With hubby on second shift, I return home from work to a house in total disorder. His response: It was a rough morning. 

I aim for compassion, but feel resentment instead. The anxiety sets in. I have worked tirelessly to organize things so the kids toys can be enjoyed and for our little house to not seem cluttered. Things are sorted and labeled. This box is action figures, this ziplock bag the little weapons, this old Halloween bucket the blocks, vehicles in this toy box, baby learning toys in the laundry basket…teachers and moms alike reading this know the power of ziploc and containers. All I see is that nothing is where it should be and not only that, it is all mixed together. 

I focus on it and my anxiety grows even bigger. All these nice things we have for the boys now seem like junk, unusable, the children disinterested if they have to move furniture just to find the parts that might make it do something.  I start looking at my home and seeing how small it is, how unfinished it is. My eyes sees all the flaws instead of the blessings. I’m tired from my own long day.

More anxiety.  The devil loves it. He attacks. It grows into questions about my marriage. I start to think falsely that my husband doesn't appreciate me or all the little things I do to manage the household while working full time. How hard is it to stop a clock every half an hour and pick things up, I think to myself? The compassion lessens. I don’t stop to consider that I had asked my husband to help the boys make a card or craft for mom’s birthday later on my way out the door. A task completely out of his comfort zone. The equivalent of asking me to fix the battery and motor on a driving toy. The devil wants me to lose my empathy. He wants me to focus on the disorder. He relishes in the anxiety.

I say the words from the Surrender Novena:

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

I say them again…

and again.

I step back and refocus and count the blessings…Not only do we have beautiful things but we have grandparents still alive who I can connect these toys to from Christmases and birthdays. Rather than burying myself in resentment, I open up communication with my husband and tell him how I felt coming home, then I hear about the frustrations of his morning.…there is space for the Holy Spirit again. The anxiety is still there, but it is not ruling me. It is just making me think in a healthy way about some realistic long term and short term solutions. 

The devil shrinks back. I have surrendered to the Spirit and the evil one knows he is no match now. 

The next morning the kids and I have a “sort party.” In this process, we start making donate pile. We talk about our blessings. We pray for the less fortunate. We pray for the people who have gifted us many of the items. The fruits of the Spirit dominate more and more!

Next, I start to work on other little parts of the house that needed a good Spring cleaning that we never had.  I choose a few key areas that I can conquer and control during nap time …clothes that haven’t been worn in years…make up that is dried up and old that needs to be tossed. I do NOT stare at the doors that need to go up or the space that might one day be a second bathroom that we so desperately need. The Spirit helps me to see what I can control and what I cannot. I feel peace, joy, and self control. Order is restored. 

God has won this very typical, very ordinary battle.

Jesus, I love you. Thank you for taking care of everything.

God's Will Be Done.

No matter what your temperament is our culture is a constant barrier to the most essential relationship in our life.  Before can grow in virtue through self knowledge and deepening our relationships with others, we need to first establish a rhythm in life that allows us to be in relationship with God. Everything about our culture opposes this necessity and the devil takes advantage of it in very subversive and sneaky ways. 

So often what begins as a good intention and even a practice in virtue can quickly transform into a barrier between us and God if we are not careful. I have found that even in my deeply impassioned service to the Lord through the sacrifices associated with my work that it all holds very little value if my marriage or family suffers. 

I have been trying to walk the talk by engaging in the same habits of prayer discussed in earlier posts, so I might better hear God’s voice and know it is my Lord. 

I have always prayed every day, but it is only recently that I have reached a level of metacognition in my prayer life…meaning I am readily noting and aware when I am repeating traditional prayers without thinking deeply about their words, noticing how distractible I am during spontaneous prayer, and quite honestly, thirsting for those moments of deep silence that my son would call “cuddling with Jesus.” 

In the past two weeks, during the period of silence in my blog, I was in my deepest state of prayer since the news that my husband and I had a very slim chance of ever conceiving and a narrow window of time to do so before a hysterectomy would be the chosen outcome for my medical condition. 

Those who are not new to this blog know that we have been blessed with three beautiful boys and we do attribute the conception of our first born to the intercessions of St. Gerard, Our Lady of Guadalupe, and many many prayers offered up for us by loved ones. 

God’s will be done.

I knew it then and I trusted, no matter the outcome. In the matter of procreation, God’s will would be or not be. We simply needed to discern if we would keep trying. It sounds so easy, but our humanity is so fragile and the devil one preys on it.

You see the evil one probably preferred we cave into our helplessness and our grief. By doing so we would cut God’s will out of the picture and what a victory for the opponent. Instead we faithfully decided to bear all disappoint, which could have been debilitating at least for a time, and we continued to play our part to cooperate with God’s will. 

We all know of other serious matters that God’s will is not so black and white. We must have a serious and intentional prayer life to know the will of God. The path that appears to be the most obvious…is not always. 

I am revisiting the autobiography of St. Terese of Lisieux, Story of a Soul, and the following statement summarizes my own struggle in the journey toward holiness:

“Perfection consists in doing His will, in being what He will us to be.” 

As I wrestle with the discernment process in making life decisions, my goal is to be living intentionally in a way that allows me to hear God’s voice …the humility to seek spiritual direction when I am uncertain …and total trust in God that he loves me so much that so long as I am trying with my whole heart to please Him that He will never abandon me. 

When has God’s will been cloudy in your life? Or, when has it been crystal clear? How do you hear God’s voice amidst all of the other distractions in our day to life? 

Quieting Down

Just the other day a colleague entered to my office and I wanted to reference something on my computer. On it I had 8 “tabs” open of tasks that I needed to complete and as many open documents. I wearily looked up at her and recalled a joke someone had once said about too many tabs being open at once in their head.

In my world, they are usually open because while in the process of trying to complete one I realize I have a loose end that I must resolve before I finish the task. Or, they are left there because someone needed my immediate attention and I had to sidetrack. 

Have you ever had that experience where you arrive at a destination only to wonder how because you seemed to be on some sort of autopilot the whole drive? 

Have you ever wondered when praying what thoughts are yours and what thoughts are the influence of the Spirit?

I mentioned Richard Hauser’s book, In His Spirit, in my last post and I will probably be referencing it more in the coming weeks since it has had great influence on me becoming more in tune with Spirit and maturing in my prayer life. 

Hauser lays out five steps to prayer make the proper conditions for shutting down all those tabs, taking our mind out the distractive state of autopilot, or releasing ourselves from anxieties that tend to rule our state of mind (86).

1. Quieting Down
2. Making acts of the presence of God
3. Focusing on the Word of God
4. Listening and responding to the Word
5. Concluding with a short prayer

I have found that depending on one’s temperament we face certain obstacles in spending time truly attentive to our Lord. I guess the same is true about our habits being attentive to those we spend time with. We live in such a distractible culture! So today let’s examine the first step -  quieting down.

One might assume that this is easier for the often introverted melancholic or phlegmatic, but that is not true. We need to be aware of the vices of our temperaments and our habits so we can put effort in the right places for making the conditions most pure for the Spirit to be present.

Let’s start with the sanguine…It is hard for the sanguine to quiet down in their human and personal relationships, so imagine how much harder it is when trying to get centered on God. I often find myself starting out with good intentions, “Dear God, I want to tell you thank you for the visit from Michelle today just when I needed it…” but before I know it I am thinking about something my train of thought took me too that I can’t get my mind off. Even worse, I find myself up and about doing some sort of busy task. 

Don’t worry! If  you are self aware of these habits during prayer, you can redirect even these moments to God by asking him to be present in the problem that is distracting you. 

Sanguine Solution: Invest time in creating an atmosphere conducive to quiet…Go where you won’t be interrupted by either another person or an object, note, etc. that will sidetrack you. 

The melancholic who is naturally introverted may not be so loquacious and distractible when sitting down with God, but may suffer from anxieties that are dominating his or her thoughts. He or she might have a hard time preparing to “rest in the Lord” because they can’t quite get past a worry or concern that has been troubling them often allowing their mind to play out various scenarios, possible solutions, and unexpected consequences. 

Melancholic Musts: When feeling anxious about your own problems try just repeating a favorite scripture passage or traditional prayer until you are able to enter into a sense of peace and quiet. 

The phlegmatic and choleric might face an entirely different obstacle…putting off prayer altogether. Yet, once they sit down they can get easily themselves in tune with their Lord with the strategies mentioned above.

The choleric who is always “on the go” faces a similar problem as the phlegmatic, but for different reasons. They are so driven and goal oriented - often times our human goals will supersede the need to pray…and a day easily passes without having taken an appropriate amount of time to dedicate to the Lord.  Also, a choleric might struggle with rushing through prayer and never getting past superficial levels of thought to truly listen and respond to the Spirit.

Suggestions: Include prayer in your daily agenda. Put prayer reminders in your day in a physical way. If you must put a time in your phone with an alert, write it on a sticky note that you know you will see (bathroom mirror), include it on your calendar. 

This week as the busyness of summer creeps in, let us take that time to quiet down and be intentional about making space in our minds and hearts to hear God’s voice and heed His will. 

In the Moment

Did you miss your Fixed on God, Growing in Virtue email last week? I missed writing it! I was praying for all of you as I took a moment to live in the moment with my family. 

Last weekend marked the 19th anniversary of my father’s passing. Do you ever have that feeling that you wish you knew then what you know now? 

How different my life would have been if I had been taught to be an intentional disciple of Christ through virtue and that I could grow in virtue through every interaction with those I love.

My relationship with my father taught me great virtue, but it wasn’t  intentional. It was because I adored him and wanted to mirror his generosity, his affability, his perseverance, and the joy he brought so many people.  He was loved by all and had a charisma that moved people. He had many vices, but because he was my personal hero - I tended not to notice them. I only sought his approval. 

Oh, how this should mirror our personal relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!

As I recall my father now and each sacred memory, the vices are so faint that one might argue I have altered the reality of what life was really like. Maybe being an empathic disciple of Christ means doing just that in the moment with those we encounter today…Purposefully looking past the unbearable, human moments of one another to see the whole picture of what makes a person incredibly special and unique.

Today is Pentecost Sunday. We celebrate the gifts of the Spirit that we receive through our virtues; joy, peace, love, patience, gentleness, kindness, and self control. 

I argue that since my father’s passing, the warmth and love I feel when I think of him are not a naive attempt to idealize him. Rather, the Spirit Himself is present and helps me to see with the Love of Christ what is true, good, and beautiful in that relationship. I see what remains after everything else melts away. 

Perhaps we can ask the Spirit to guide us in these same efforts as we restore, create, and nurture the relationships we have in the present moment. So often we allow our fallen humanity to define these relationships. What would happen if we asked God to let us see one another always through the Spirit? 

More importantly what are we doing to first restore, create and nurture the most important relationship we have - that with our Lord? I enjoyed this thought by Richard J. Hauser in the book, In His Spirit, “As in human relationships, words become less necessary the more we get to know a person; good friends can enjoy one another’s company while saying very little.” I of course felt that way about time spent with my father and now feel that way about time spent with my own children. 

In the coming weeks, I’d like to explore how our temperaments assist or resist cooperating with the Spirit and deepening our relationship with the Lord so that words become less necessary…so that we can move beyond our natural tendencies in prayer or overcome the obstacles that keep us from prayer.

For now, take a moment to reflect on someone you love that you no longer get to see that often or will never see again. What is true, good, and beautiful in that relationship? Can you put it into words? Do you need words? What is a moment you treasure that you no longer take for granted? 

 Now take a moment to think of someone who is near or you could make near to you with just a little effort. Maybe it is time to do so and just be in the moment…let the Spirit lead you.

Come, Holy Spirit! 

Come, Spirit, Come

Self-knowledge through reflection on the temperament God gave us and those we love is an awesome tool for making stronger, deeper relationships. But, what do we do when there is something seemingly more powerful creating a barrier?

God gave us the Holy Spirit to be our advocate. Scripture tells us that we can recognize the presence of the by Spirit knowing its fruits. We know we are in the presence of the Spirit if we are dominated by a sense of peace, love, kindness, self-control, patience, trustworthiness, and goodness.

On the other hand, we have anxiety, jealousy, and hatred when the Spirit is not present. 

Take a moment right now to think of a relationship that you want to improve? What is causing you anxiety, jealousy, or even a sense of hatred right now? How is this tension affecting your school, your parish, or your home life? What is necessary for peace to come?

Ask God. Ask God to send you the Holy Spirit to pray for that person and to give you the right words and actions the next time you interact. 

This relationship might be more than a clash in temperaments that needs a mindful approach. Ask the Spirit to help you see if there is forgiveness that must take place. Maybe you are holding onto something that you don’t even realize. 

Matthew 18:34 tells us that if we don’t forgive, we are handed over to torturers. These torturers are things like fear, loneliness, depression, frustration, anxiety, and self-hatred. 

A little card I keep in my journal on forgiveness by Presentation Ministries warns that eventually, “We lose our appetite for prayer, the Scriptures, the Mass, and Christian fellowship. We become spiritually anorexic,” if we fail to forgive.

These torturers are very similar to what scripture tells us take over when we are acting out of self-interest, rather than responding to His will. In what relationship(s) can you ask the Advocate to come to your aid? 

As a teacher, can you use the language of the Spirit to help your students and even colleagues draw closer to Christ by discerning God’s will? What a powerful tool for transforming our classroom culture! 

This week ask the Holy Spirit to open your eyes and minds to where there is underlying anxiety, fear, or jealousy. How can you help yourself and your little disciples confront it in a holy way? 

If it seems impossible, start by simply identifying it and praying,  Come, Spirit, Come. 

She gave you life...

Last weekend we spontaneously decided to stop for dinner at Lucky’s and grandpa came out to meet us. As I saw him letting Henry and Paulie take turns at his straw from which POP flowed, I gave him a stare down from across the table. 

“What?” he said.

“Graaaand - pa…” I playfully scolded. “I told them they don’t get pop or  gum until they turn ten and you’ve managed to break both those rules in the past 15 minutes.” 

(Yes. He gave them quarters for the gum ball machine on the way in. They didn’t even have to earn it by being good and eating their vegetables!) 

“Paulie - you actually know better,” I said. “You could have told Grandpa that you’re not allowed pop yet.”

“Yah right, Mom,” grandpa said jumping to Paulie’s defense. “What kid is going to do that?”

“Obey your father and mother! It’s one of the ten commandments! Paulie has an early onset for the age of reason!” I joked back.

“I believe it’s honor your father and mother,” grandpa corrected me. “Don’t go making the bible say what you want.”

We both started laughing.

I thought of that moment this Mother’s Day weekend when Fr. Faraci said we should all be grateful for our mothers. "Even if you don’t have a relationship with your mother, she gave you life." Then he said something else I thought was pretty profound...

Mothers aren’t perfect. Neither are our fathers. But, God gave every person the mother and father that was perfect for them.

Why is this profound?

Fr. Faraci made it so obvious how we are all so carefully knit  together by God’s love. It is the imperfection of those who he put in our lives and our response to them that help us become the person he willed when he created us. He has given us exactly what we need.

This reminds me of Louis de Montfort’s fifth point under The Grace of God is Absolutely Necessary of his booklet, The Secret of Mary:

“The grace and help of God are absolutely necessary for us to practice all these, but we are sure that grace will be given to all, though not in the same measure. I say "not in the same measure", because God does not give his graces in equal measure to everyone , although in his infinite goodness he always gives sufficient grace to each.

Last week we focused on Mary as the model of perfection and virtue. Mary was full of grace by the immaculate conception. God has given us grace as well. He has also given us people in our lives to help us discover that grace and grow in virtue. 

Maybe your mother is perfect to you. Maybe you haven’t always seen eye to eye. Maybe you are the spitting image of your mother. Maybe it’s quite the opposite. 

What about your mother’s temperament do you admire? What has tested you over the years? How have you grown in virtue because of this relationship (or lack of it)? 

Whatever the case, thank God today for your life… the gift that only a mother can give. 

Hail Mary, Full of Grace

This month the church celebrates Mary in a very special way. Perhaps your school has had May Crowning or other devotions that honor our Blessed Mother. Mary is the model of perfect virtue. When pondering how to grow in virtue through self-knowledge, Mary should be our touchstone whenever we feel confused or misguided. 

Hail Mary, full of Grace, the Lord is with thee…

Grace. Unmerited favor by God. How can we become full of grace like Mary? Mary, who we know simply and beautifully pondered things in her heart . What striking opposition are the temptations of our culture - caught in the distraction of pondering all things in public on facebook, twitter, instagram, etc. 

Mary is the model of humility. Mother of the author of all grace. As St. Louis de Montfort reveals, Mary is the secret to discover the grace needed in our quest for holiness and virtue.  

This weekend we made a quick trip up north to unload some materials. The kids were excited to see “Big Jesus” at mass at The Cross in the Woods. Fr. Haney's homily focused on the relationship between Father and Son as they passed on their trade over generations…reflecting on how tools molded themselves to the hands of a father and then when passed on to the son were redefined, but retained the history and shape of the patriarchy in their substance. 

I could go on for hours about this reflection and all that we lack today in substance, in purity, and in tradition. But instead, I’d like to extend Fr. Mike’s challenge to our classrooms and homes. 

He connected the relationship between Jesus and St. Peter to that of father and son…St. Peter he said learned from Jesus and adopted his techniques in bringing the Gospel to the world. Fr. Mike asked all present to think about those with whom we work closely and the techniques of theirs that have helped shape our own vocation.

As a mother, you might think of your mother. You might hear your mother in yourself. What about as a teacher? My first thoughts went to those teachers who inspired me and now to the many leaders that have been role models to me for graceful leadership.

Is your classroom full of grace? How does your relationship with your students model that of Christ and his apostles? What techniques to grow in virtue are your children taking away and passing on from generation to generation with you as their model? 

Or, on the flip side, what do you hope they don’t imitate? What vices do you pray the Holy Spirit will hide from your children that you don’t want them to be like or take with them? Is love at the heart of discipline in your classroom or frustration and disorder? Does it waiver from time to time?  Can there be both? How did Christ do it? How about Mary?  

Jesus wants us to struggle with these questions. He also wants us to remember that what we do in good faith and in His name, even when it goes drastically wrong, in it His providence will reign. 

Hail Mary, full of Grace, the Lord is with thee…

This week get to know Mary a little better. Stay by her side. Follow her example like a little boy walks behind in the footsteps of his father and learns his trade or a little girl looks up to her mother and takes into her very being all of her “mother’s secrets.” 

According to St. Louis de Montfort, if we are to grow in virtue by corresponding with God’s grace -  regardless of temperament, charism, neuroscience, or mindset - we must first have:

• sincere humility
• unceasing prayer
• complete self-denial 
• abandonment to divine Providence
• obedience to the will of God 

These are the Pillars of Mary's virtue. Are they yours? 

Fruit of the Spirit

In the last post, we started to examine together the role of the Spirit as the initiator of God’s work in our lives. So often we give ourselves credit for moments of success (and failure) in life because we are immersed in a culture that tells us that we are the center. 

It’s time to stop taking everything so personally. 

Wait a second, isn’t the crux of this blog about having self-knowledge so we can grow in virtue? The answer is yes. But self-knowledge as a baptized son or daughter of Christ is substantially different then the message in self-discovery and mindfulness titles wall-papering huge sections of Barnes and Noble. 

Part of truly understanding the role of the Holy Spirit in our lives is accepting that the Spirit is always at work and is laying the path of God’s transformation before us. We cooperate with God’s grace when we deepen our prayer and interior life to respond to the promptings of the Spirit in love. 

Think about the things that others do that make you upset. How many of the actions are directed at you in spite? Taking it personally is just another trap of Western culture that makes us deaf and blind to the work of God in our lives. Instead, let us look at the behaviors of others first as a message. What are they communicating? 

Next, let us pray that God reveal the needs of that person so we might respond with love and grace, putting the needs of God’s sanctifying plan before our own desires and impulses. The language of the temperaments helps us to examine the behavior of another and our response through the eyes of God and our natural inclinations. 

Behaviors may be small patterns that we can ignore up to a point and then we’ve had enough. A behavior may be a one time occurrence that stands out so much we can’t get our mind off it. Behavior as a form of communication is so easily ignored when we are more self-absorbed than absorbed by the Spirit.

…If we live in the Spirit, let us also follow the Spirit. Let us not be conceited, provoking one another, envious of one another. Galations 5:25-26

Let’s examine a few typical and atypical behaviors we respond to as parents and teachers. A child blurting out, rolling their eyes, or testing your limits. Our initial response is to assume they are being blatantly disrespectful and consequences must be in place. Then what? 

Do we stop there? Do we hand them over to someone else to handle? Our husband, a note home to the parent, the principal? Maybe this partnership is necessary, but if we stop there then we’re missing a great opportunity for the Spirit to work through them and ourselves.

Do we make time to talk with the child (or adult) only to get a cold response or even an angry or rude reaction? Do we get annoyed by this and give up? Do you pray that the Spirit reveal in love the needs of the other and God’s response? 

… the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self control. Galatians 5:22-23

We all know that a child, colleague, or loved one who has shut down, tuned out, or any behavior that we label as rude or disrespectful needs more love, needs someone to turn into their pain and not away from it, needs compassion. Boy is this hard to do when we’re lost in ourselves, our own pride, and our own sense of entitlement.

Inspired by the Holy Spirit, we may remember a nugget about temperament and try to understand them more that way. We may be reminded of a scripture that gives us the language and courage we need to move beyond our own ego.

Lately, I’ve found myself being reminded to simply trust in the process and to trust those we journey with. God’s answers are not always our answers. Sometimes they take longer to reveal than we would like. Sometimes things seem like a contradiction. This is because we are so “untrained” in removing our “self “ from the center. 

This week challenge yourself to have more peace of heart by carefully examining the behaviors of others as a form of communication. Whether it be your spouse, a colleague, a student, or an entire class…Next, take time to pray. What are their needs? Don’t just guess - have courage and talk to them about it or seek help and input from another.