Come, Spirit, Come

Self-knowledge through reflection on the temperament God gave us and those we love is an awesome tool for making stronger, deeper relationships. But, what do we do when there is something seemingly more powerful creating a barrier?

God gave us the Holy Spirit to be our advocate. Scripture tells us that we can recognize the presence of the by Spirit knowing its fruits. We know we are in the presence of the Spirit if we are dominated by a sense of peace, love, kindness, self-control, patience, trustworthiness, and goodness.

On the other hand, we have anxiety, jealousy, and hatred when the Spirit is not present. 

Take a moment right now to think of a relationship that you want to improve? What is causing you anxiety, jealousy, or even a sense of hatred right now? How is this tension affecting your school, your parish, or your home life? What is necessary for peace to come?

Ask God. Ask God to send you the Holy Spirit to pray for that person and to give you the right words and actions the next time you interact. 

This relationship might be more than a clash in temperaments that needs a mindful approach. Ask the Spirit to help you see if there is forgiveness that must take place. Maybe you are holding onto something that you don’t even realize. 

Matthew 18:34 tells us that if we don’t forgive, we are handed over to torturers. These torturers are things like fear, loneliness, depression, frustration, anxiety, and self-hatred. 

A little card I keep in my journal on forgiveness by Presentation Ministries warns that eventually, “We lose our appetite for prayer, the Scriptures, the Mass, and Christian fellowship. We become spiritually anorexic,” if we fail to forgive.

These torturers are very similar to what scripture tells us take over when we are acting out of self-interest, rather than responding to His will. In what relationship(s) can you ask the Advocate to come to your aid? 

As a teacher, can you use the language of the Spirit to help your students and even colleagues draw closer to Christ by discerning God’s will? What a powerful tool for transforming our classroom culture! 

This week ask the Holy Spirit to open your eyes and minds to where there is underlying anxiety, fear, or jealousy. How can you help yourself and your little disciples confront it in a holy way? 

If it seems impossible, start by simply identifying it and praying,  Come, Spirit, Come. 

She gave you life...

Last weekend we spontaneously decided to stop for dinner at Lucky’s and grandpa came out to meet us. As I saw him letting Henry and Paulie take turns at his straw from which POP flowed, I gave him a stare down from across the table. 

“What?” he said.

“Graaaand - pa…” I playfully scolded. “I told them they don’t get pop or  gum until they turn ten and you’ve managed to break both those rules in the past 15 minutes.” 

(Yes. He gave them quarters for the gum ball machine on the way in. They didn’t even have to earn it by being good and eating their vegetables!) 

“Paulie - you actually know better,” I said. “You could have told Grandpa that you’re not allowed pop yet.”

“Yah right, Mom,” grandpa said jumping to Paulie’s defense. “What kid is going to do that?”

“Obey your father and mother! It’s one of the ten commandments! Paulie has an early onset for the age of reason!” I joked back.

“I believe it’s honor your father and mother,” grandpa corrected me. “Don’t go making the bible say what you want.”

We both started laughing.

I thought of that moment this Mother’s Day weekend when Fr. Faraci said we should all be grateful for our mothers. "Even if you don’t have a relationship with your mother, she gave you life." Then he said something else I thought was pretty profound...

Mothers aren’t perfect. Neither are our fathers. But, God gave every person the mother and father that was perfect for them.

Why is this profound?

Fr. Faraci made it so obvious how we are all so carefully knit  together by God’s love. It is the imperfection of those who he put in our lives and our response to them that help us become the person he willed when he created us. He has given us exactly what we need.

This reminds me of Louis de Montfort’s fifth point under The Grace of God is Absolutely Necessary of his booklet, The Secret of Mary:

“The grace and help of God are absolutely necessary for us to practice all these, but we are sure that grace will be given to all, though not in the same measure. I say "not in the same measure", because God does not give his graces in equal measure to everyone , although in his infinite goodness he always gives sufficient grace to each.

Last week we focused on Mary as the model of perfection and virtue. Mary was full of grace by the immaculate conception. God has given us grace as well. He has also given us people in our lives to help us discover that grace and grow in virtue. 

Maybe your mother is perfect to you. Maybe you haven’t always seen eye to eye. Maybe you are the spitting image of your mother. Maybe it’s quite the opposite. 

What about your mother’s temperament do you admire? What has tested you over the years? How have you grown in virtue because of this relationship (or lack of it)? 

Whatever the case, thank God today for your life… the gift that only a mother can give. 

Hail Mary, Full of Grace

This month the church celebrates Mary in a very special way. Perhaps your school has had May Crowning or other devotions that honor our Blessed Mother. Mary is the model of perfect virtue. When pondering how to grow in virtue through self-knowledge, Mary should be our touchstone whenever we feel confused or misguided. 

Hail Mary, full of Grace, the Lord is with thee…

Grace. Unmerited favor by God. How can we become full of grace like Mary? Mary, who we know simply and beautifully pondered things in her heart . What striking opposition are the temptations of our culture - caught in the distraction of pondering all things in public on facebook, twitter, instagram, etc. 

Mary is the model of humility. Mother of the author of all grace. As St. Louis de Montfort reveals, Mary is the secret to discover the grace needed in our quest for holiness and virtue.  

This weekend we made a quick trip up north to unload some materials. The kids were excited to see “Big Jesus” at mass at The Cross in the Woods. Fr. Haney's homily focused on the relationship between Father and Son as they passed on their trade over generations…reflecting on how tools molded themselves to the hands of a father and then when passed on to the son were redefined, but retained the history and shape of the patriarchy in their substance. 

I could go on for hours about this reflection and all that we lack today in substance, in purity, and in tradition. But instead, I’d like to extend Fr. Mike’s challenge to our classrooms and homes. 

He connected the relationship between Jesus and St. Peter to that of father and son…St. Peter he said learned from Jesus and adopted his techniques in bringing the Gospel to the world. Fr. Mike asked all present to think about those with whom we work closely and the techniques of theirs that have helped shape our own vocation.

As a mother, you might think of your mother. You might hear your mother in yourself. What about as a teacher? My first thoughts went to those teachers who inspired me and now to the many leaders that have been role models to me for graceful leadership.

Is your classroom full of grace? How does your relationship with your students model that of Christ and his apostles? What techniques to grow in virtue are your children taking away and passing on from generation to generation with you as their model? 

Or, on the flip side, what do you hope they don’t imitate? What vices do you pray the Holy Spirit will hide from your children that you don’t want them to be like or take with them? Is love at the heart of discipline in your classroom or frustration and disorder? Does it waiver from time to time?  Can there be both? How did Christ do it? How about Mary?  

Jesus wants us to struggle with these questions. He also wants us to remember that what we do in good faith and in His name, even when it goes drastically wrong, in it His providence will reign. 

Hail Mary, full of Grace, the Lord is with thee…

This week get to know Mary a little better. Stay by her side. Follow her example like a little boy walks behind in the footsteps of his father and learns his trade or a little girl looks up to her mother and takes into her very being all of her “mother’s secrets.” 

According to St. Louis de Montfort, if we are to grow in virtue by corresponding with God’s grace -  regardless of temperament, charism, neuroscience, or mindset - we must first have:

• sincere humility
• unceasing prayer
• complete self-denial 
• abandonment to divine Providence
• obedience to the will of God 

These are the Pillars of Mary's virtue. Are they yours? 

Fruit of the Spirit

In the last post, we started to examine together the role of the Spirit as the initiator of God’s work in our lives. So often we give ourselves credit for moments of success (and failure) in life because we are immersed in a culture that tells us that we are the center. 

It’s time to stop taking everything so personally. 

Wait a second, isn’t the crux of this blog about having self-knowledge so we can grow in virtue? The answer is yes. But self-knowledge as a baptized son or daughter of Christ is substantially different then the message in self-discovery and mindfulness titles wall-papering huge sections of Barnes and Noble. 

Part of truly understanding the role of the Holy Spirit in our lives is accepting that the Spirit is always at work and is laying the path of God’s transformation before us. We cooperate with God’s grace when we deepen our prayer and interior life to respond to the promptings of the Spirit in love. 

Think about the things that others do that make you upset. How many of the actions are directed at you in spite? Taking it personally is just another trap of Western culture that makes us deaf and blind to the work of God in our lives. Instead, let us look at the behaviors of others first as a message. What are they communicating? 

Next, let us pray that God reveal the needs of that person so we might respond with love and grace, putting the needs of God’s sanctifying plan before our own desires and impulses. The language of the temperaments helps us to examine the behavior of another and our response through the eyes of God and our natural inclinations. 

Behaviors may be small patterns that we can ignore up to a point and then we’ve had enough. A behavior may be a one time occurrence that stands out so much we can’t get our mind off it. Behavior as a form of communication is so easily ignored when we are more self-absorbed than absorbed by the Spirit.

…If we live in the Spirit, let us also follow the Spirit. Let us not be conceited, provoking one another, envious of one another. Galations 5:25-26

Let’s examine a few typical and atypical behaviors we respond to as parents and teachers. A child blurting out, rolling their eyes, or testing your limits. Our initial response is to assume they are being blatantly disrespectful and consequences must be in place. Then what? 

Do we stop there? Do we hand them over to someone else to handle? Our husband, a note home to the parent, the principal? Maybe this partnership is necessary, but if we stop there then we’re missing a great opportunity for the Spirit to work through them and ourselves.

Do we make time to talk with the child (or adult) only to get a cold response or even an angry or rude reaction? Do we get annoyed by this and give up? Do you pray that the Spirit reveal in love the needs of the other and God’s response? 

… the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self control. Galatians 5:22-23

We all know that a child, colleague, or loved one who has shut down, tuned out, or any behavior that we label as rude or disrespectful needs more love, needs someone to turn into their pain and not away from it, needs compassion. Boy is this hard to do when we’re lost in ourselves, our own pride, and our own sense of entitlement.

Inspired by the Holy Spirit, we may remember a nugget about temperament and try to understand them more that way. We may be reminded of a scripture that gives us the language and courage we need to move beyond our own ego.

Lately, I’ve found myself being reminded to simply trust in the process and to trust those we journey with. God’s answers are not always our answers. Sometimes they take longer to reveal than we would like. Sometimes things seem like a contradiction. This is because we are so “untrained” in removing our “self “ from the center. 

This week challenge yourself to have more peace of heart by carefully examining the behaviors of others as a form of communication. Whether it be your spouse, a colleague, a student, or an entire class…Next, take time to pray. What are their needs? Don’t just guess - have courage and talk to them about it or seek help and input from another.