The premise of this blog is to grow in virtue by examining relationships through the lens of the temperaments, our mindset, and the biology of neuroscience that now proves our intelligence and potential is not fixed.
I summarize this because in the past few weeks God has been sweetly whispering to me, I love you. He most beautifully found a way to express this intimate message through - believe it or not… administrative meetings! I want you to hear the same whispers in the most unexpected places too.
My first experience was at regional principals meeting and a book study encouraged for principals on the The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor. I dutifully began reading and within the first 25 pages growth mindset and neuroscience are discussed. I even questioned if I had read the book before because it was all so familiar.
I immediately began drawing connections with Matthew Kelly’s book, Resisting Happiness, the Diocese of Lansing’s recent historic Diocesan “Made for Happiness” assembly, and of course the many inspirations of this blog. When things repeat themselves in your life like this…God is speaking.
It happened again last week when I attended a voluntary PBIS / Champs training for my district and at the end the following chart was displayed.
I immediately began to mentally convert the four categories to the temperaments that we use in this blog to better understand our relationship with God and others.
Choleric = D (Dominance)
Sanguine = I (Influence)
Phlegmatic = S (Steadiness)
Melancholic = C (Conscientious)
Ultimately, it reinforced how each unique person on our team serves a different role to create balance. Again, it made clear that knowing our students too would help us create balance in our classrooms.
Then something started to happen as time passed… I needed to go deeper.
At the core of Champs training is the acronym STOIC which is an adjective meaning, “tending to remain unemotional, especially showing admirable patience and endurance in the face of adversity.”
When I read that definition I think of the saints and of the cardinal virtues. I think of how far I have to go…
The word that draws me in the most is unemotional. Can we love deeply without being emotional? What does this look like and why is it important in actually building relationships? It seems counter-intuitive to relationships which are at the center of all progress in virtue.
When training our staff our curriculum director started out with the following quote by Haim Ginott:
“I’ve come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the classroom. It’s my personal approach that creates the climate. It’s my daily mood that makes the weather. As a teacher, I possess a tremendous power to make a child’s life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool for torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or dehumanized.”
Power. Suddenly, I think of my marriage, my day to day routine with my children, the inconsistencies in my life. I look back at the chart and see new clues into the moments I find myself in a funk or feeling unsuccessful.
Who and what do I have power over? Who and what do I allow to have power over me? Do I remain STOIC when challenged by these relationships?
I think of how my goal this year is to empower teachers by encouraging them to be practitioners of their profession and education, allowing them space to draw on their strengths, opportunities to share, and be filled with joy. When one is feeling empowered they are able to hear God’s voice, His encouragement, His hope and faith in YOU.
In the training for PBIS, the acronym for STOIC stands for:
S Structure
T Teach expectations
O Observe
I Interact positively
C Correct fluently
The belief is that if we create these elements in our classroom, we will be more likely to be empowered and empower others rather than fall victim to “power struggles” that lead to resentment and vice.
Why wouldn’t it? At the center of power is pride. If we do not have control over our own humility, then pride can and will destroy relationships - not only with one another, but as we know from biblical history, it can destroy our relationship with God.
"Humility is the mother of all virtues….It is in being humble that our love becomes real, devoted, and ardent. If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are."
~ St. Teresa of Calcutta
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