V-Formation

My literacy coach and I are navigating country roads lead by GPS on our way to a cognitive coaching training. I slow down for a moment so we can take in the beauty of deer scattered throughout a field with geese flying overhead in a breathtaking V-formation.

“Did you know geese change leadership at the tip of the V when they get tired?” Kim says to me. I ponder this for a second. “No, I didn’t realize that, but what a great metaphor for collective efficacy and shared leadership?”  I joke with her that it will be a great blog post one day… and she hasn’t let me forget it!

A quick google search shows that many companies and leaders have examined the behavior of geese in flight to highlight lessons for their employees. My favorite was the 7Geese blog - 7 Lessons We Can Learn From Geese to Succeed at Work; sharing a common goal, increasing visibility, having humility to seek help, empowering others to lead, always recognizing great work, supporting each other in challenging times, and staying committed to core values and purpose.

Since my blog post promised to Kim seemed virtually written already by many in various fields, I decided to dig a little further into the science of formation flight.

According to Ed Yong in the article, Birds that fly in a V Formation Use an Amazing Trick,  birds save energy by flying in the “upwash” zone of the bird in front to get a free lift - they take advantage of the momentum of their team mates. By flying in a “V” formation, the whole flock adds at least 71% greater flying range than if each bird flew on its own (Legend of the Geese). As practitioners in the education field, teachers do this often through collaboration and sharing resources, taking the busy work out of best practices for one another. This of course requires a great deal of both communication and trust.

As disciples of Christ, we give our flight mates a lift by being open to the Holy Spirit and freely responding to the prompts of charity that are possible within the most mundane and unexpected encounters in a day. In the past few months I have been the humble recipient of this type of generosity, and yes, it kept me in flight despite the turbulence my family was facing while my husband was ill.

As birds move collectively to their common goal, they also swap around a lot - changing leadership along the way. How well do we trust our family, team, or parish to take over when we need it? What aspects of our temperament prohibit us from the humility we need to allow for this shift or to give us the confidence to take the lead when our team or community needs us most?

Trust.

Most significantly, how do we do this but remain in perfect flight? How do we maintain the harmony and peace required to get to our shared goal?

Trust, again.

The same article in National Geographic explains that birds use their flap cycle to track the good air. “Imagine that a flying ibis leaves a red trail with its left wingtip as it moves through the air. The right wingtip of the bird behind would travel through almost exactly the same path. ‘It’s like walking through the snow with your parents when you’re a kid…if you follow their footprints, they make our job easier because they’ve crunched the snow down.’”

But how exactly do birds in flight do this? The scientists hypothesize by either watching the bird in front, using their feathers to sense the air flow, or simply relying on positive feedback. I found this last one quite interesting as there is so much research in the field of education related to the power of feedback.

When I apply the science of birds to my work life, I realize how important it is to simply trust my team, to be humble enough to know when I should imitate a flap cycle rather than try to take the lead, and to be confident enough to know when I must venture to the front of the formation because my team needs me. If we all practice growth mindset with virtue, peace and harmony are possible as we collaborate to achieve the good things we wish for the community we serve.

Another study shows that as geese reach higher altitudes they actually reduce their metabolism in line with the reduced amount of oxygen available. I think how often teams scramble when we see data that does not confirm all of the hard work of our team. Or, the state of paralysis that can occur when our oxygen is reduced by factors seemingly out of our control. So often we panic and pile on more solutions rather than “reduce our metabolism” by revisiting our focus, moral purpose, and minimizing initiatives.

At my school, it would be a return to what we value most - a more laser sharp focus on small group instruction. Perception data shows this is the number one strategy we collectively value to address the whole child, academically and social-emotionally, to build relationships and be intentional about knowing and delivering what each child needs. For us everything stems from creating opportunities to build these relationships and respond.

Today in the Catholic church we celebrate the Solemnity of Mary, the Holy Mother of God - World Day of Peace. Fr. Reginald Garrigou-Lagrange writes in the Magnificat daily meditation that Mary, “never failed in promptitude to obey the divine inspirations… the dignity of Mary surpasses therefore that of all the saints combined.” She is the perfect model of virtue to reach our heavenly goal.

On a spiritual level, I think of Mary and of all the saints…I think of the “footprints” they leave behind to help me grow in virtue by following the pattern of their flight. I realize how much I don’t know about their lives and the commitment it will take to be more intentional about my calling to sainthood as part of His heavenly formation. With Mary, care of my soul is her number one concern and she isn’t limited to groups of five. She wants to know me intimately and guide me - one on one.

I begin to reflect upon the trust I must have in Mary. I can count on the fact that I will fail daily and fall out of formation, but I can equally count on the fact that Mary, my heavenly mother, through her divine graces will correct my flight if I ask her to lead me to her son through every mission.

I know one thing, it is not GPS that is going to get me to my final destination. It is by Mary’s heavenly footprint that I trod, seeking the glories of eternal life to live forever with her in the communion of saints in the place the Lord has prepared specially for me.

Breathe Out

One sleepless night I discovered “sleep stories” on the calm.com app. I desperately resorted to it in need of a diversion from my own thinking. I came across Wonder by Chris Advansun which explores the wonders of our world and the universe as a grandfather and grandchild ponder the stars.

As a writer, I find the whole concept of a “sleep story” interesting - the author engages in the creation of written word with the absence of conflict. Rather than find purpose in using creative process to engage others in a drama, he aspires to disengage his audience entrenched in an anxiety driven society.

Genius.

Instead of his audience taking a deep breath in - on the edge of suspense - Advansun’s body of work encourages us to “breathe out” in a time and culture where there is an absence of such space - returning us to the roots of our past through oral tradition.

What I find even more beautiful in skimming a few interviews with the author is that ultimately he knew and discovered a unique purpose. His purpose. A clear sense of fulfillment.

Having tried the whole “sleep story” as a technique to actually help me fall asleep, I was moved by its pureness. I also was moved by God’s perfection, vastness, greatness in systems, and His creation when listening to the story Wonder.

I also felt very very very small. When was the last time you pondered the universe? The fact that we live and breathe on one little tiny planet.. third from a simple, little star in one of endless and unknowable solar systems, stars, and planets…I think we’ve all done this at some time or another throughout our lives. For me the timing caused me to grapple a little bit with scripture. God knows you by name - every hair, every breath (Luke 12:7). How can it be?

My little life is but a blink in all of this.  And I know it. It stirs up a whole array of emotions; sadness, fear, relief, apprehension, and conviction are but few.

How do I make my “blink” meaningful? Am I fulfilling God’s unique purpose?  St. Therese would say - YES! “God walks among the pots and pans.”

It was around the time I discovered the sleep story, that I decided to conquer a bucket list adventure with my family. Maybe Vandansun’s sleep story helped motivate me to make a visit to the Dark Sky Park in Mackinaw City a reality after an epoch fail last winter in a hopeful attempt to see the northern lights. While I went into the experience with few expectations this time, I did have it drummed up in my imagination that I’d have this serene moment with the kids as we cuddle under the stars listening to this beautiful story I discovered.

What really happened was quite the opposite. We trudged out to a spot with our wagon, blankets, and red light headlamps and tried to settle in. The sound of the waves beating against the rock was so loud it drowned out any chance of hearing Matthew Mcconnaughy’s deep voice reflecting on the inexplicable vastness of what was before us when reciting Vandansun’s story. We did however get to see a few stars pop out as the light faded to darkness before a chorus of, “I’m cold,” and “I’m tired,” joined in the song of the waves and we packed up to head out.

The following weekend I remember sitting in the pew at church…thinking of my smallness and God’s greatness. Thinking of how everything in my life seemed like “pots and pans.” I was a  little hopeless to be honest …Then of course the Holy Spirit came to my aid as our music director belted out a familiar hymn by Bernadette Farrell:

“Oh God, you search me and you know me. All my thoughts lie open to your gaze. When I walk or lie down, you are before me, Ever the maker and keeper of my days. You know my resting and my rising…”

How can this be? How can this truly be that God might know my little blink in this universe so perfectly? It doesn’t seem possible.

“You discern my purpose from afar, and with love everlasting your besiege me: in every moment of life or death, you are.”

My hopelessness is gently replaced with trust by a loving Father.

I breathe out. I mean really - I mentally and spiritually breathe out - not realizing I had been holding my breath in for so long. I can’t really mess this up, can I? God will always right my wrongs.

Such experiences probe me to reflect upon how our temperament might sometimes get in the way of our relationship with God and create temporary blinders on His purpose for our lives? As a sanguine-phlegmatic I notice I silently fight with God when he calls me to engage in uncomfortable conflict. Yet, I must trust He chooses me to aide others in navigating their purpose.  I see my many weaknesses and my own failures… God does too. Yet, he chooses me. I don’t have to know why.

Breathe out.

“Even the hairs of your head have all been counted. Do not be afraid.” Luke 12: 7

The Minnow Trap

My six year old son loves thinking about how things work. He gets on kicks and absorbs as much as he can then develops a plan of execution. For example, last spring he went through a phase watching videos of people making fishing traps instead of using a pole. After some time he created his own model and eventually quite a little factory of minnow traps. After giving one to his Kindergarten teacher, who actually tried it - AND IT WORKED - he was ecstatic. (Thank you Jesus for amazing, engaged, and connected teachers in our children’s lives.)

This past weekend our new Bishop came to our parish. We had gone to 5:00 mass the day before. There was a poster in the gathering area that showed Bishop Gruss as both Bishop and the person underneath the robes as well - the human person on his own journey toward sainthood. One photo showed him holding up a string of fish and another on his motorcycle. My kids were of course drawn to seeing this side of any priest, yet alone...the Most Reverend. When it was announced he would preside at the Sunday masses the next day with a social after, I decided to pick up my mom so she and my children might have an opportunity to meet him between masses.

Of course, after seeing the picture with the fish, I suggested to Paulie he give him one of his homemade minnow traps as a gift. Paulie loved this idea. We arrived just at the end of the closing hymn and we were some of the first people Bishop Gruss encountered when exiting the church after the closing hymn.

Paulie introduced himself and gave him the gift. The Bishop then asked the younger boys their names as well. When Paulie tried to explain how it worked, throngs of people began exiting mass and of course Bishop was there to shake their hands and meet them. I ushered Paulie away. Seeing Paulie’s anxiety at not being able to complete his thoughts, our pastoral administrator let Paulie go in her office and write out how the minnow trap worked.

To give perspective, the trap is made out of a recycled water bottle. It is cut in half and then the spout is placed facing inward. I feel very proud to have been in charge of the hot glue during the factory stages of production.

Dear Bishop Gruss,

The minnow swims into the little hole after the bait (hot dogs and bread work best). He tries to find the hole to get out, but he can’t. You can use the minnow to catch a bass.

From,

Paulie Martindale

As I was scribing parts of the letter to make the process go more quickly, I thought of being trapped and all of the things that bait me.

In the first reading from last weekend (ECC 2:22-23), St. Paul writes, “ For what profit comes to mortals from all the toil and anxiety of heart with which they toil under the sun? Everyday sorrow and grief are their occupation; even at night his mind is not at rest. This also is vanity.”

This verse struck a chord with me as the past two nights I was woken by my children who had their own anxiety about “stay together” days coming to an end. Once awake, I could not fall asleep again. Anxiety crept in about everything…the upcoming school year, unmet tasks, unknown outcomes, people for whom I’m concerned and praying for - trapped. Worries about my parenting, my leadership, my discipleship.

Trapped - In a little hole trying to find the way out. It’s literally right in front of me. But I can’t find it. I know it’s there too. So, why can’t I sleep? Vanity of Vanities. I’m just a little minnow, I whispered to Jesus, have mercy on me!

Of course, I begin to pray. I ask the Holy Spirit to calm my mind and give me rest. Eventually, I fall asleep again.

You can use the minnow to catch a bass.

I think of our new Bishop. He is a shepherd. He is our leader. I am a little minnow. I imagine him gently taking me out of the trap and placing me beside his crosier (which strongly resembles a hook). He wants me to go out and help catch the next fish and the next. As you can tell by my latent blog posts and summer commitment to set boundaries and begin writing again, I think in my simple encounter with the Bishop - through the Holy Spirit - he did just this.

For each disciple, this looks different. Leadership is influence, not the position you hold. Discipleship is Christian leadership. How do I influence others? Do I judge? Create shame? Or, in an encounter, do I give hope and help another to seek the Lord for His endless mercy and healing. Do I help others see the potential in themselves and inspire them to seek it out?

Who does God give me daily to influence?

I influence my husband.
I influence my children.
I influence my co-workers.
I influence my family and friends.
I influence bystanders and strangers who see me.

Oh, how I would like to “catch a bass” and to “lure” even the seemingly bigger fish around me to the little hole where there is an infinite light.

The Pareto Principle

After the New Year came and went, I found my resolutions were not concrete. I knew I wanted to focus on being a humble leader (professionally and as a disciple of Christ) one who would truly help others see their potential, discover their passions, and live fully - not trapped in anxieties and compliance - but empowered by the Spirit in all we do. 

What do I need to change in my life to better achieve this? For me, the answer was focusing on relationships and truly listening, but how could I make this goal more real and measurable?

One thing I hear teachers say over and over is that there is just not enough time to fit it all in. One night when all the kiddos were in bed, I decided to spend some time simply searching…not my interior self…but the internet. I came across Pareto’s Principle. 

While this principle is applied mostly in the business world, it got me thinking about applying it in other disciplines. Here is a basic summary from a Forbes article applying this principle to financial decisions we make:

“Vilfredo Federico Damaso Pareto was born in Italy in 1848. He would go on to become an important philosopher and economist. 

Legend has it that one day he noticed that 20% of the pea plants in his garden generated 80% of the healthy pea pods. This observation caused him to think about uneven distribution. 

He thought about wealth and discovered that 80% of the land in Italy was owned by just 20% of the population. He investigated different industries and found that 80% of production typically came from just 20% of the companies. 

The generalization became: 80% of results will come from just 20% of the action.”

After applying this principle to daily aspect of living… For example, you probably wear 20% of your shoes 80% of the time. Or, you rely on the same 20% of the grocery store to satisfy 80% of your needs. Or let’s get very real - it is the same 20% of parents volunteering for PTO or church volunteers in stewardship roles. 

I, of course, am not the first educator who came across this principle. But, I did start talking to my teachers about their 80/20.

What do you invest your time and energy in that you think has the greatest impact on students? If you were to narrow it down to 20% of your day or your focus is meeting 80% of your kids needs - what would it be? On the other side of the coin, what energy traps do you find yourself in? 

The results in my school were amazing as I went around teacher to teacher to discuss this concept. Building relationships and small group instruction time were repeated over and over again.

Relationships. 

This blog started in an attempt to foster healthy relationships with each other especially through the challenges of change and having a growth mindset in our relationships. Of course, the most important relationship is with God as we strive to be holy people that truly hear His will and pursue it, despite failures and setbacks. 

So, as Christians, let’s take the 80/20 rule and apply it to our personal relationship with God. For each person this will be different. For example, if you are a Catholic reader, we know that full participation in the sacraments is probably at the top of the list. 

I cannot count how many times I’ve looked back on my week and wondered where the graces came from to meet the challenges…I know deep in my heart that the graces have come from receiving Eucharist on Sunday - even if I myself was distracted by a toddler in a meltdown or my own thoughts. God’s grace works through our human weakness. 

I often have to make choices about quiet time - being a mom of 3 children and a principal of over 700 - time alone with God is rare. I have to wake up very, very early to get my daily regiment of prayers and scripture in…or to journal, blog, exercise, read.  There are many days that my little slice of time gets interrupted by a tiny person who can’t sleep or heard me shuffling around and wants to cuddle because they woke up and are scared.

In these moments, my prayer is the deepest even if I am not reading scripture… I am living it. I hold the child in my arms trying desperately to wish away thoughts of aggravation because there is so much I wanted to do with my teeny tiny moment of quiet. Instead, I try to be mindful and present in the amazing gift of life. 

I feel a little foot pressed against mine and I ask God to hold me in the same way all day despite the unexpected challenges I might face. I ask Him to guard my decisions. Just as my little one trusts that I will not leave him in the midst of his fears of the dark, I ask God not to abandon me in the unknown. 

I think God and the saints agree these moments are part of my 80/20 …living them fully is best gift I can give Him. 

The Voice

“ ‘…Every valley shall be filled
and every mountain and hill shall be made low.
The winding roads shall be made straight,
and the rough ways made smooth,
and all flesh shall see the salvation of God.’” Luke 3:5

St. John the Baptist when throughout the region of Jordan proclaiming the baptism of repentance for forgiveness of sins. In this Gospel, Luke is quoting the prophet Isaiah who said a voice would cry out in the desert, Prepare the way of the Lord, make straight His path - the voice of St. John the Baptist.

St. John the Baptist inspires the words that fall off our lips as we recite the Hail Mary under our breath two thousand plus years later seeking the aid of our Holy Mother. As an unborn baby St. John leaped in Elizabeth’s womb when Mary greeted her. Elizabeth, humbled, responds by saying, “Most blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb.”

When do I pray the Hail Mary? As a daily, ritualistic prayer and through out my day when I’m overwhelmed, unsure, or dealing with anything that seems out of my control at that moment. I don’t say it enough in the form of the rosary as part of my daily prayer regiment. It is not an easy devotion for me…unless I hide myself in the bathroom for quiet or find silence in the middle of a sleepless night.

While praying the rosary as a daily ritual is something I aspire to but am not quite there…yet, (growth mindset) - I have been doing better about praying the rosary to intercede for others who I know are in desperate moments on an “as needed” basis. Whenever I do this, it is I who receive the gifts of the Spirit. Knowing this, I made an intentional effort to add it to our family Advent practices this year.

In addition to the scripture on the little pop out Advent calendar that my sister sends every year to her sweet nephews, I decided with the encouragement of some colleagues at my school to make a homemade Advent calendar with little bits of “Family time” that capture the true essence of this season as we prepare for Christ.

I purposefully tried to include activities that we could actually complete despite my busy work schedule this season so that family time would be the priority this Advent season. (Sing carols around the tree, have hot cocoa and enjoy a game night, drive around and look at Christmas lights…you get the picture.)

The other night I came home exhausted. We had already pulled our activity from the wreath that morning before school. It read, “Pray a decade of the rosary around the Christmas tree.” As I kicked off my shoes and made myself cozy in the boys bed to read our bedtime book, barely keeping my own eyes open, they looked me and said, “Mah-OM….the rosary!”

In an instant, I mentally ruled out re-gathering around the Christmas tree for this devotion now that all teeth had finally been brushed and kids were IN their beds. And…just thought of picking my body up again to go get their little wooden colored rosaries hanging in the living room after not sitting down in what seemed 14 hours must have been obvious on my face.

Paulie, who just recently turned six, looks carefully at me and cocks his head a little. (He does this when he’s thinking.)  “MOM! We’ll do it right here.” He points up to the lights we have strung around his bunk bed that we use for reading every night. “Look,” he said, as he placed his fingers on a “bead.”

His little brother picks a spot far enough away on the string of lights so that they don’t run into each other as they pray. I choose my own starting spot. We begin our Hail Mary’s and the boys grow excited offering each one up for someone they love before saying the next color of the lights that their fingers reach and reciting the prayer.

“ ‘…Every valley shall be filled
and every mountain and hill shall be made low.
The winding roads shall be made straight,
and the rough ways made smooth,
and all flesh shall see the salvation of God.’” Luke 3:5

I used to think this verse was something more apocalyptic. But now I know the prophet Isaiah and St. John the Baptist were not necessarily talking about the physical terrain of our beautiful earth in this scripture…They were talking about the interior terrain of our soul.

Holiness is making the mountains low and filling in the valleys within so we can hear the voice of God and know His will to act on it.

What are the mountains in your life? Mountains of work.  Lack of time. Emails. Social media.  Pride. Perhaps overextending ourselves even with good intention. Sin without reconciliation.

What are the valleys? Self doubt. Insecurity. Anxiety. Moments of helplessness. Relationships that are aggravated or even broken that need healing.

My son went into the moment with a natural growth mindset. He looked at the situation and instead of letting us climb up a mountain of excuses or slip into the valley of self pity - he was a problem solver. He found opportunity for holiness in the simplest moment.

Over the next ten days, it is good practice to chip away at the mountains and get out your shovel to fill in the valleys. Examine “the voices” within that dictate your day and effect your spirit. Go to confession. Surround yourself with people who lift you and support you. Spend time with your family. Most importantly, in the ordinary moments… Be filled with true joy.

Seek Him.

Balance

It’s that time of year…teachers have just made it through conferences,  feast days, Halloween, and weeks of assessing students to plan for guided, small group instruction. In the State of Michigan, teachers are now at the end of our first “IRIP” (Individualized Reading Improvement Plan) window. It suffices to say, we are ready for a recharge and Thanksgiving break!

Leadership meetings and random office drop in conversations often lead to the same conclusion: We have to find a way to decrease the load of the “busy work”  and draw meaning from the collaborative nature of the recommended process.

I’d like to share a very good analogy that my superintendent used to explain the current underpinnings of a team approach in education. First, he commented on the shift from individualized medical practices to the team model now embraced by leading medical practitioners and systems - yielding a much more holistic approach to prevention, diagnosis, and treatment.

“Yes, it’s very much like that now in education,” I stated, “but that is hard for many teachers who have for years enjoyed retreating to their own island behind classroom doors where it is undeniably comfortable and safe. These are great teachers who are good at what they do and many who have been doing it for a long time.” It is hard for some to embrace the fact that being on our island is no longer an option. “We have to address the anxieties involved with this shift openly,” I commented.

He agreed and stated that we certainly have left the island and are now on the ship. “It’s time to start throwing some luggage overboard to lighten the load!” he said. 

Wow - I thought. That is exactly where we’re at. We can’t possibly go on doing it all. Letting go is hard, but it is necessary for balance. Without a sense of balance, teachers will burn out. Decision-making and problem-solving for what needs to be "thrown overboard" will certainly be a process with its own demands.

John Hattie’s research identifies “collective efficacy” as having the effect size of d=1.57 on student achievement. It is the highest rated influence in a long list of successful practices. He defines it as the collective belief of teachers in their ability to positively affect students.

Original research by Albert Bandura defines collective efficacy as “a group’s shared belief in the conjoint capabilities to organize and execute the courses of action required to produce given levels of attainment.”

I recently went to the funeral of a loved one of a teacher in my district. I did not know her father-in-law, but was deeply inspired by his 61 years of marriage and a framed naval declaration stating he had successfully navigated around the world in the 1950’s.

I think about our technology now compared to then and how the sailors were not guided by a fancy GPS system, rather they relied on their shared belief in the conjoint capabilities to organize and execute the courses of action required to produce given levels of attainment…to virtually travel the circumference of the world. Survival was at stake amidst the unpredictable elements. Teaching is much like this today and it requires both personal confidence and trust in our team.

How can we work toward collective efficacy in our professional learning communities if members individually lack self-efficacy? Or, will the shared responsibility actually strengthen self-efficacy because our team will compliment each other’s strengths and weaknesses?

As I sit through meetings, some with strong meeting norms and others without, I see clearly how our temperaments can create division and discouragement if we lack self-awareness. Unlike the sailors on the ship that my teacher’s father-in-law once sailed, in our busy culture of immediate gratification, we have very little time for reflection. Self awareness suffers amidst our multi-tasking....so does forgiveness.

Without self-awareness and empathy required to honor one another’s intentions and ideas, collaboration can be overwhelming. We need trust, personal confidence, and most of all, balance.

Immediately I began looking for patterns and strategies to increase our own self-awareness as we journey onward toward new goals in education guided by neuroscience and knowledge about how our brain takes in and transforms knowledge.

I recalled a chart in Art and Laraine’s Bennett’s book, The Temperament God Gave You when I was trying to find an explanation for a teacher who felt calm and confident in one group, but “fight or flight” in another (101).

This is the type of self-awareness and reflection we need so we can establish safe and productive teams. I realized the group that made her feel calm was made up of others who shared her temperament…slow to react…thinkers that avoid conflict. The other group in which she experienced “fight or flight” was a bit more diverse in its make up.

I suddenly had a deep connection to how our own self esteem and worth can influence the joy and productivity that is possible in professional collaboration over a shared goal, especially when we are in a group with a diverse dynamic.

I connected the information from the temperament book to what we learned about behavior tendencies in CHAMPS training, which challenges educators to increase their self-knowledge regarding how one responds to conflict, what motivates us, and what causes us stress.

(For those who have not read the temperament book, I will put in parenthesis my connections to the CHAMPS correlating descriptors.)

Choleric (Dominant): Self worth based on what I accomplish; I have no self esteem outside of my projects

I wonder… if shared responsibility is difficult for the choleric because the project is not all their own.

Finding balance…increased impatience is a sign of being overextended. Rely on your team rather than trying to take on more alone. This is easier said than done for someone who likes to steer the ship!

Melancholic (Conscientious): Self esteem is based on meeting my high expectations

I wonder…if shared responsibility is difficult because others might not have the same high expectations

Finding balance…being overly critical of self and others is a sign of being overextended. Rely on your team and trust the process.

Sanguine (Influence): My self worth depends on what others think of me; I adapt myself to the group

I wonder… if shared responsibility is difficult because it is impossible to make everyone happy

Finding balance…becoming disorganized and distracted is a sign of being overextended. Be honest with yourself and your team. Rely on your team to prioritize goals.

Phlegmatic (Steadiness): I’d rather give up my own desires / be alone / be unhappy than be in the midst of conflict.

I wonder… if shared responsibility is difficult because conflicting views and challenging ideas is at the core of organizing and executing a shared course of action

Finding balance…becoming possessive or isolated is a sign you are overextended. Ask someone on your team to be your advocate and encourage you to trust the process when conflict arises in a group.
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This week I challenge each of you to be self aware of signs you are over-extended, how you operate in a group, and how much time you take for reflection on practices.

If there is not enough time to reflect, then it’s time to start asking God to show you what luggage needs to be thrown overboard. Trust in Him. He will safely guide you to shore.

Empower

God has a way of saying to us, “You are exactly where you should be my daughter. Do not doubt My goodness and My plan.”

The premise of this blog is to grow in virtue by examining relationships through the lens of the temperaments, our mindset, and the biology of neuroscience that now proves our intelligence and potential is not fixed.

I summarize this because in the past few weeks God has been sweetly whispering to me, I love you. He most beautifully found a way to express this intimate message through - believe it or not… administrative meetings!  I want you to hear the same whispers in the most unexpected places too.

My first experience was at regional principals meeting and a book study encouraged for principals on the The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor. I dutifully began reading and within the first 25 pages growth mindset and neuroscience are discussed.  I even questioned if I had read the book before because it was all so familiar.

I immediately began drawing connections with Matthew Kelly’s book, Resisting Happiness, the Diocese of Lansing’s recent historic Diocesan “Made for Happiness” assembly, and of course the many inspirations of this blog. When things repeat themselves in your life like this…God is speaking.

It happened again last week when I attended a voluntary PBIS / Champs training for my district and at the end the following chart was displayed.

I immediately began to mentally convert the four categories to the temperaments that we use in this blog to better understand our relationship with God and others.

Choleric = D (Dominance)
Sanguine = I (Influence)
Phlegmatic = S (Steadiness)
Melancholic = C (Conscientious)

Ultimately, it reinforced how each unique person on our team serves a different role to create balance.  Again, it made clear that knowing our students too would help us create balance in our classrooms.

Then something started to happen as time passed… I needed to go deeper.

At the core of Champs training is the acronym STOIC which is an adjective meaning, “tending to remain unemotional, especially showing admirable patience and endurance in the face of adversity.”

When I read that definition I think of the saints and of the cardinal virtues. I think of how far I have to go…

The word that draws me in the most is unemotional. Can we love deeply without being emotional? What does this look like and why is it important in actually building relationships? It seems counter-intuitive to relationships which are at the center of all progress in virtue.

When training our staff our curriculum director started out with the following quote by Haim Ginott:

“I’ve come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the classroom. It’s my personal approach that creates the climate. It’s my daily mood that makes the weather. As a teacher, I possess a tremendous power to make a child’s life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool for torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or dehumanized.”
            
Power. Suddenly, I think of my marriage, my day to day routine with my children, the inconsistencies in my life. I look back at the chart and see new clues into the moments I find myself in a funk or feeling unsuccessful.

Who and what do I have power over? Who and what do I allow to have power over me? Do I remain STOIC when challenged by these relationships?

I think of how my goal this year is to empower teachers by encouraging them to be practitioners of their profession and education, allowing them space to draw on their strengths, opportunities to share, and be filled with joy. When one is feeling empowered they are able to hear God’s voice, His encouragement, His hope and faith in YOU.

In the training for PBIS, the acronym for STOIC stands for:

S    Structure
T    Teach expectations
O    Observe
I    Interact positively
C   Correct fluently

The belief is that if we create these elements in our classroom, we will be more likely to be empowered and empower others rather than fall victim to “power struggles” that lead to resentment and vice.

Why wouldn’t it? At the center of power is pride. If we do not have control over our own humility, then pride can and will destroy relationships - not only with one another, but as we know from biblical history, it can destroy our relationship with God.

"Humility is the mother of all virtues….It is in being humble that our love becomes real, devoted, and ardent. If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are."

~ St. Teresa of Calcutta