Would you attempt something if you knew you could not fail?
Carol Dweck's book, Mindset, is full of examples of sports heroes, politicians, and billionaires who had a growth mindset. Yet, as Catholics our greatest models of growth mindset can be found by studying the lives of our saints.
Pick one. Any saint…Google their bio…go on your Laudate app…open up that book from Barnes and Noble that you've had sitting on the end table for years…Whichever Saint you choose, I guarantee that saint had a growth mindset about eternity. They had to. They faced insurmountable, seemingly impossible tasks from any logical or worldly standpoint. Yet, they did not shy away from the challenge God put in their heart. If they lapsed into periods of a fixed mindset, their dependence on the sacraments and the graces that flowed did not allow them to stay there too long.
Certainly they faced countless upsets and failures along the way, but did not become paralyzed by the thought of failure to abandon their mission…Even when those they loved and served alongside were martyred before them. Our Catholic saints were resilient.
Does modern culture teach us to be resilient? Are we teaching our children to be resilient?
At a recent workshop, I had a fellow disciple say to me… “I finally embraced my choleric temperament. I went through all the stages of grief - denial, anger…but once I did, I’m much more at peace.”
Even though she and I are almost opposite temperaments, as a sanguine-phlegmatic, I remember feeling the same way when I first started exploring the temperaments as a way to grow in virtue. I also remember the deep peace I felt when I finally just submitted to the Lord and said, “God, You are my creator. You made me and You continue to shape me everyday. You put me here now. Thank you.”
You see - God did not make us to fail. He made us perfectly in His image. The sacraments give us every grace to live out His plan in us. Every moment is therefore a gift to learn from and lead us Sainthood. Why then is it so easy to become crippled by self-doubt, anxiety, self-deprecation? What is that fine line between being humble and critical, but not steeped in self pity?
For me, it can be the dumbest thing that shakes me from the mast I cling to during a storm. Sometimes it’s not even a storm…it’s a sprinkle. I might weather the storm (intense parent meeting, behavior plan in place for a child whose status quo is in crisis, completing a budget that might work, evaluations that are actually meaningful)…
…but then I get a phone call from (insert person…pastor, parent, teacher) that so and so didn’t like a dress code call, the kids are out of hand in the hallway, that I forgot to communicate something about a schedule change, etc. I feel so anxious - like I failed. Like it's too much. No one gets it. This must not be where God wants me.
Where is my resilience?
If I were more choleric, would I even blink at this? How ironic that my fellow choleric disciple needed to “embrace” her temperament, when I myself am so enamored by the gifts of choleric leaders: strong, decisive, confident, clear, and commanding. How I strive daily to execute these skills and fail so often.
Dear God,
When the vices of my temperament distract me from the mission You’ve set in my heart. Stop Satan. Away with you! Lord, give me the grace and the strategies to forge ahead like the Saints and accomplish the task at hand. Amen.
The following is my formula when we are faced with sense paralysis under the mercy of our vices:
1) Be humble - It’s okay to not know.
2) Pray. Accept. Stop making excuses.
3) Build a relationship.
4) Develop a plan.
5) Be prepared to repeat steps 1-4 over and over again.
This formula is what growth mindset is all about. We have to be willing to try something, risk failure, and try again after tweaking or throwing something out all together and starting over. Even in those seemingly "complete failures" to us, there is no such thing with God. It is from these experiences we grow in virtue the most.
Would you attempt something if you knew you could not fail?
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