She gave you life...

Last weekend we spontaneously decided to stop for dinner at Lucky’s and grandpa came out to meet us. As I saw him letting Henry and Paulie take turns at his straw from which POP flowed, I gave him a stare down from across the table. 

“What?” he said.

“Graaaand - pa…” I playfully scolded. “I told them they don’t get pop or  gum until they turn ten and you’ve managed to break both those rules in the past 15 minutes.” 

(Yes. He gave them quarters for the gum ball machine on the way in. They didn’t even have to earn it by being good and eating their vegetables!) 

“Paulie - you actually know better,” I said. “You could have told Grandpa that you’re not allowed pop yet.”

“Yah right, Mom,” grandpa said jumping to Paulie’s defense. “What kid is going to do that?”

“Obey your father and mother! It’s one of the ten commandments! Paulie has an early onset for the age of reason!” I joked back.

“I believe it’s honor your father and mother,” grandpa corrected me. “Don’t go making the bible say what you want.”

We both started laughing.

I thought of that moment this Mother’s Day weekend when Fr. Faraci said we should all be grateful for our mothers. "Even if you don’t have a relationship with your mother, she gave you life." Then he said something else I thought was pretty profound...

Mothers aren’t perfect. Neither are our fathers. But, God gave every person the mother and father that was perfect for them.

Why is this profound?

Fr. Faraci made it so obvious how we are all so carefully knit  together by God’s love. It is the imperfection of those who he put in our lives and our response to them that help us become the person he willed when he created us. He has given us exactly what we need.

This reminds me of Louis de Montfort’s fifth point under The Grace of God is Absolutely Necessary of his booklet, The Secret of Mary:

“The grace and help of God are absolutely necessary for us to practice all these, but we are sure that grace will be given to all, though not in the same measure. I say "not in the same measure", because God does not give his graces in equal measure to everyone , although in his infinite goodness he always gives sufficient grace to each.

Last week we focused on Mary as the model of perfection and virtue. Mary was full of grace by the immaculate conception. God has given us grace as well. He has also given us people in our lives to help us discover that grace and grow in virtue. 

Maybe your mother is perfect to you. Maybe you haven’t always seen eye to eye. Maybe you are the spitting image of your mother. Maybe it’s quite the opposite. 

What about your mother’s temperament do you admire? What has tested you over the years? How have you grown in virtue because of this relationship (or lack of it)? 

Whatever the case, thank God today for your life… the gift that only a mother can give. 

Hail Mary, Full of Grace

This month the church celebrates Mary in a very special way. Perhaps your school has had May Crowning or other devotions that honor our Blessed Mother. Mary is the model of perfect virtue. When pondering how to grow in virtue through self-knowledge, Mary should be our touchstone whenever we feel confused or misguided. 

Hail Mary, full of Grace, the Lord is with thee…

Grace. Unmerited favor by God. How can we become full of grace like Mary? Mary, who we know simply and beautifully pondered things in her heart . What striking opposition are the temptations of our culture - caught in the distraction of pondering all things in public on facebook, twitter, instagram, etc. 

Mary is the model of humility. Mother of the author of all grace. As St. Louis de Montfort reveals, Mary is the secret to discover the grace needed in our quest for holiness and virtue.  

This weekend we made a quick trip up north to unload some materials. The kids were excited to see “Big Jesus” at mass at The Cross in the Woods. Fr. Haney's homily focused on the relationship between Father and Son as they passed on their trade over generations…reflecting on how tools molded themselves to the hands of a father and then when passed on to the son were redefined, but retained the history and shape of the patriarchy in their substance. 

I could go on for hours about this reflection and all that we lack today in substance, in purity, and in tradition. But instead, I’d like to extend Fr. Mike’s challenge to our classrooms and homes. 

He connected the relationship between Jesus and St. Peter to that of father and son…St. Peter he said learned from Jesus and adopted his techniques in bringing the Gospel to the world. Fr. Mike asked all present to think about those with whom we work closely and the techniques of theirs that have helped shape our own vocation.

As a mother, you might think of your mother. You might hear your mother in yourself. What about as a teacher? My first thoughts went to those teachers who inspired me and now to the many leaders that have been role models to me for graceful leadership.

Is your classroom full of grace? How does your relationship with your students model that of Christ and his apostles? What techniques to grow in virtue are your children taking away and passing on from generation to generation with you as their model? 

Or, on the flip side, what do you hope they don’t imitate? What vices do you pray the Holy Spirit will hide from your children that you don’t want them to be like or take with them? Is love at the heart of discipline in your classroom or frustration and disorder? Does it waiver from time to time?  Can there be both? How did Christ do it? How about Mary?  

Jesus wants us to struggle with these questions. He also wants us to remember that what we do in good faith and in His name, even when it goes drastically wrong, in it His providence will reign. 

Hail Mary, full of Grace, the Lord is with thee…

This week get to know Mary a little better. Stay by her side. Follow her example like a little boy walks behind in the footsteps of his father and learns his trade or a little girl looks up to her mother and takes into her very being all of her “mother’s secrets.” 

According to St. Louis de Montfort, if we are to grow in virtue by corresponding with God’s grace -  regardless of temperament, charism, neuroscience, or mindset - we must first have:

• sincere humility
• unceasing prayer
• complete self-denial 
• abandonment to divine Providence
• obedience to the will of God 

These are the Pillars of Mary's virtue. Are they yours? 

Fruit of the Spirit

In the last post, we started to examine together the role of the Spirit as the initiator of God’s work in our lives. So often we give ourselves credit for moments of success (and failure) in life because we are immersed in a culture that tells us that we are the center. 

It’s time to stop taking everything so personally. 

Wait a second, isn’t the crux of this blog about having self-knowledge so we can grow in virtue? The answer is yes. But self-knowledge as a baptized son or daughter of Christ is substantially different then the message in self-discovery and mindfulness titles wall-papering huge sections of Barnes and Noble. 

Part of truly understanding the role of the Holy Spirit in our lives is accepting that the Spirit is always at work and is laying the path of God’s transformation before us. We cooperate with God’s grace when we deepen our prayer and interior life to respond to the promptings of the Spirit in love. 

Think about the things that others do that make you upset. How many of the actions are directed at you in spite? Taking it personally is just another trap of Western culture that makes us deaf and blind to the work of God in our lives. Instead, let us look at the behaviors of others first as a message. What are they communicating? 

Next, let us pray that God reveal the needs of that person so we might respond with love and grace, putting the needs of God’s sanctifying plan before our own desires and impulses. The language of the temperaments helps us to examine the behavior of another and our response through the eyes of God and our natural inclinations. 

Behaviors may be small patterns that we can ignore up to a point and then we’ve had enough. A behavior may be a one time occurrence that stands out so much we can’t get our mind off it. Behavior as a form of communication is so easily ignored when we are more self-absorbed than absorbed by the Spirit.

…If we live in the Spirit, let us also follow the Spirit. Let us not be conceited, provoking one another, envious of one another. Galations 5:25-26

Let’s examine a few typical and atypical behaviors we respond to as parents and teachers. A child blurting out, rolling their eyes, or testing your limits. Our initial response is to assume they are being blatantly disrespectful and consequences must be in place. Then what? 

Do we stop there? Do we hand them over to someone else to handle? Our husband, a note home to the parent, the principal? Maybe this partnership is necessary, but if we stop there then we’re missing a great opportunity for the Spirit to work through them and ourselves.

Do we make time to talk with the child (or adult) only to get a cold response or even an angry or rude reaction? Do we get annoyed by this and give up? Do you pray that the Spirit reveal in love the needs of the other and God’s response? 

… the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self control. Galatians 5:22-23

We all know that a child, colleague, or loved one who has shut down, tuned out, or any behavior that we label as rude or disrespectful needs more love, needs someone to turn into their pain and not away from it, needs compassion. Boy is this hard to do when we’re lost in ourselves, our own pride, and our own sense of entitlement.

Inspired by the Holy Spirit, we may remember a nugget about temperament and try to understand them more that way. We may be reminded of a scripture that gives us the language and courage we need to move beyond our own ego.

Lately, I’ve found myself being reminded to simply trust in the process and to trust those we journey with. God’s answers are not always our answers. Sometimes they take longer to reveal than we would like. Sometimes things seem like a contradiction. This is because we are so “untrained” in removing our “self “ from the center. 

This week challenge yourself to have more peace of heart by carefully examining the behaviors of others as a form of communication. Whether it be your spouse, a colleague, a student, or an entire class…Next, take time to pray. What are their needs? Don’t just guess - have courage and talk to them about it or seek help and input from another. 

Knock. Knock.

Come, Father, Creator.

Come, Son, Redeemer.

Come, Spirit, Sanctifier. 

Lent helped draw us in relationship with Jesus Christ the Redeemer. Easter fills us with the Love of our Father, recreating us in our the waters of our baptism. We now approach Pentecost and prepare ourselves to be set on fire by the Spirit. Do we allow the Spirit to transform our inner environment, the space around our relationships, to be fertile soil for creation, mercy, and God’s transformation? What barriers do we face?

Guiding Reflections:

We become like those we love. 

In our relationship with Christ, He is always the initiator. 

We can only love others as much we allow ourselves to be in love with Jesus Christ. 

Central to this week’s reflection is whether we are aware of the movements of the Spirit in our homes and classroom and that we are responding to them at all times. It is so easy to think that God is responding to us and our needs. Not so. 

Think of some really cool things you’ve accomplished this past week. Those moments that felt really satisfying. Do you see God’s role in their success? Are you aware of the Spirit’s movements?

Richard Hauser writes in his book, In His Spirit, that, “The Spirit initiates all good desires and we listen and respond (19)”.

If you are like me, your first mistake may be that you do not allow Christ to be the initiator or in some ways simply give him credit for being the initiator when it's most obvious. 

In our culture, we expect certain things to come to us or to be a direct result of the actions we take. Yes, it is by intentional and repeated effort we grow in virtue and develop our skills and talents, define our neural pathways, and change habits. However, these deeds and efforts and the desire to accomplish them are driven by God. 

We must prepare the interior fertile soil of our hearts so He can lead these efforts, direct them, and steer them toward the eternal place He has prepared for us. 

Think about the environment in which you teach or live. Your mind might drift to your crucifix with fresh palm branches tucked behind it, the scripture you’ve incorporated on your walls, or your classroom prayer space. These are physical signs in which we have control that create our environment. 

Yet, even more so is our body language, our presence, our spoken and unspoken words. Do your daily actions and how you present yourself (even on our most needy mental health days!) create a space for our children and colleagues that makes them feel in the presence of Christ, so they can clearly see and feel his role directing their actions and ours? 

Here is one great example I remember from one of those “feel good” keynotes at the beginning of year Professional Development for teachers. 

Standing at the door and greeting your students when they enter. 

What does this say to your disciples?

I care about you.

I care about what happens to you when you enter this door.

I am here for you with whatever challenges you face today and to celebrate your victories.

As a representative of Jesus Christ, it also says:

God cares about you.

He cares about what happens to you when enter this door.

He is here for you with whatever challenges you face today and to celebrate your victories.

A simple action. Yet, it is so tempting to be at your desk, getting one last thing entered into the grade book, or organizing the parent driver list for the field trip, details for whatever latest service project or student assembly you’re chairing, etc…As a principal, I am guilty of this too because uninterrupted moments before school starts are like liquid gold to me. 

I am often saddened when I miss the morning greeting because this is a time when teachers or parents often try to grab me to put things on my radar for the day. As a principal this is important too! It would be equally detrimental if I “put off” these encounters. The key is allowing the Spirit to lead and initiate where I place myself and that it is the best place for an encounter in which God can do His work. 

At one of my schools, our maintenance director opens the door every morning for each student and greets them too. He is right outside my door and I know that each day by this action the students are entering into a space where they know they are loved and cared about. 

Think about the rest of your day? Are you exhausted at the end of the day from trying to initiate virtue in your students and they just don’t seem to get it? Maybe you’re coming at it from the wrong angle? Maybe it is not ours to initiate, but rather nurture. 

We become like those we love. 

Your children (students) love you and desire to become like you. 

You love Jesus and desire to become like Him.

In our relationship with Christ, He is always the initiator. 

Are you trying to mold your students to your expectation of what learning should look like and sound like?

Or, are you allowing Christ to initiate what learning should look like and sound like by molding yourself to Him and them?

We can only love others as much we allow ourselves to be in love with Jesus Christ. 

Did Lent help discipline you in spending more time growing in relationship with God? Keep it up! Or, start now…

He’s waiting at the door to greet you. 

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter!

He is risen!

Alleluia! Alleluia!

Jesus Christ - the perfection of all temperaments, all science, all Life! 

The perfection of LOVE.

Reinforcements

Why am I here?

What is my purpose?

Where am I going?

These three questions posed by Fr. Roy during the funeral homily of the father of a second grade student will stay with me forever. How did he summarize in under six minutes everything I would like to spend the rest of my life writing about, meditating on, evangelizing, and using as a source of inspiration for my art? It was six minutes that will frame and change the way I make choices and how I live.

At first, the questions just sort of glaze over because they're too big and don't seem to require an immediate answer. Minds drift, as he suspects. Then he continues...

(Side note: I kind of feel like a cheater just publishing someone else’s divinely inspired thoughts, but when great evangelization happens in our lost generation...as he calls it, it’s necessary to pass it along. I don’t think he’ll mind since his words so perfectly express the ultimate purpose of this blog. They were kind of like the reinforcement I needed and I hope you feel the same as well.)

Fr. Roy challenged everyone sitting at the funeral to be honest with themselves about how often they had become distracted in the previous 25 minutes…thinking about what else they had going on that day or that weekend. 

I mean, there we were, in the midst of absolute grief of the immediate family with the total and unique possibility of totally giving ourselves to be used as instruments of grace and comfort…or to at least be in committed, intentional prayer for the souls of the faithfully departed…

It reminded me of Jesus writing in the sand while all of the onlookers and accusers dropped their stones as they slipped away into shadows, staring silently into the ugliness of their own sins. 

No one gathered had any greater purpose than to be praying for the deceased and offering sincere comfort to the immediate family - yet no one, I’m sure of it, could say that they had not been distracted from that purpose by something arbitrary in the past 25 minutes.

I remembered having titled a blog post “distractions” and thought to myself that I should revisit it. Then I mentally scolded myself for again becoming distracted while Fr. Roy continued his homily.

We don’t do it “on purpose.” (I sound like a child!) We were of course gathered in love. But my loving Father says what any good parent would say, “I know little one…but you need to work on it.”

Bad habits are hard to break. 

If you were to die an hour from leaving here, how many of those things you’ve allowed yourself to be distracted by would remain important?

Only two things are important: Your relationship with God and your relationships with those around you. 

Relationships. 

Yes, I thought. That is the whole purpose of Fixed on God, Growing in Virtue - to open ourselves up to the tools in front of us to mend, grow, discover, challenge, and simply be in relationships with those around us in a way that will ultimately lead us to sainthood. 

Yet, how often do we find ourselves looking for a scapegoat? An excuse? How often do we find ourselves just simply lacking “mindfulness.” For me it is far too often and the subject of a different post. 

Why am I here?

What is my purpose?

Where am I going?

Do our honest answers lead us to greater fulfillment in relationship with Christ and with others by way of virtue? Or, if you follow the footsteps long enough do they lead to isolation, fear, anxiety, and loneliness? 

It’s Holy Week. What is still distracting you from a full renewal of your baptism promise on Sunday? When you join in pilgrimage these final days of Jesus’ Passion and Death, where are you going? What will you find? The empty tomb or one filled up with the dust, bones, and remnants of lost opportunities to be in healthy relationship with our Lord and those we love. 

Is your head spinning like mine was? Lay it down. Let it go. Reevaluate as many times as you must until you peel away all the layers and find at the core the truth - HIM.

Spring Gardening

My friend Jeanne just dropped off the roots of some wild raspberries for us to plant. "They will spread on their own," she said.  (I silently doubted her claim knowing that my thumb has never been green.)

Nonetheless, I became excited at the thought of the boys having the experience of picking their own fruit, and I started to investigate where I might plant them. The thought of having to trim them back one day or prune them seems nearly impossible as they sit like barren branches in a box, the roots tangled together in little clumps of soil.

One of the most fascinating aspects of science on the neuroplasticity of the brain is that our brain naturally prunes itself. The following Edutopia article gives a wonderful explanation of how meaningful the process of learning can be through repeated activity as “neurons that wire together fire together.” 

https://www.edutopia.org/neuroscience-brain-based-learning-neuroplasticity

Similarly, our brain will eventually eliminate or prune pathways that we no longer use. The implications for this have been applied by passionate educators who have the transformed the morale and culture of their classrooms as students become motivated to learn with a growth mindset, believing in the science that their intelligence is not fixed. 

As Catholics we know that our bodies, mind, and spirit are intricately woven in God’s design. Often times the mystery and order of the physical world helps us to transcend the spiritual through contemplative reflection. What then does this science mean for us in our spiritual growth?

John 15: 1-5,11

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine grower.  He takes away every branch in me that does not bear fruit, and every one that does he prunes so that it bears more fruit.

You are already pruned because of the word that I spoke to you.

Remain in me, as I remain in you. Just as a branch cannot bear fruit on its own unless it remains on the vine, so neither can you unless you remain in me.

I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing…

“I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete.”

It is no surprise that scientists in the 1990’s discovered with new technologies at their disposal what Jesus Christ told us two thousand plus years ago. True joy is only attainable when connected to the vine of Truth. 

He himself prunes our spirit (and in fact has already done so through our baptism!) so our joy may be complete. Yet, this is not a passive gift from our Creator. If science informs us that we must work diligently through repetitive action to create synapses that widen the highway of our intellect and move us toward mastery of learning targets, so then we must work that much harder at intentional, repetitive habits that lead us to our unknowable potential, a virtuous life, and sainthood. 

On the contrary, imagine the tangled mess that our lives become when we let our vices take over and sin begins to grow the sense of anxiety, stress, and helplessness we feel. It is wild and suffocating and separates us from the radiance of the "Son." We can all put a finger on periods in our past in which we have not taken the time to actively, intentionally prune our Spirit and chaos disrupts our lives. 

Imagine if in unison, collaborating with God’s grace through our baptismal call, how we might transform ourselves, our joy, our relationships, and our world if we became intentional about designing our unique roadmap, intellectual and spiritual, and then open our eyes to God’s will in our lives. 

We have less than two weeks until we enter into the Triduum - the passion, death, and resurrection of our Lord. Two weeks until we renew our baptismal promises and become renewed in His glory. Let’s be intentional with these remaining days, focusing on our habits, our thoughts, and our repeated efforts.

 If you are like me, then you might see yourself as the barren raspberry branch, with tangled roots waiting to have the master gardener choose the best place that you might be planted. What fruit will you yield? Let's get busy preparing the soil to plant the seeds of God's grace.  

“I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete.”