…yet!

Have you had a chance to watch a few of Carol Dweck’s youtube videos on the Power of Yet? (See side panel) I’m guessing, probably not.. If you’re like me you forgot all about this blog sitting in your mailbox last week as you caught up with all of the action items in your inbox from the long weekend. That’s okay - I get it! I can empathize with you! Empathy is the key to intentional growth in virtue. The temperaments give us a language for studying the virtues and applying them in our daily life. We’ll get more into the temperaments next week - let's start with the heart of things: virtue.

If you’ve been at one of my workshops you may recall the core of Carol Dweck’s message…If not, I’ll paraphrase: Live growth minded! When something doesn’t work out the way you planned - add the word “yet” to the end of every sentence in your pity party and then get to work coming up with a new plan. 

For kids: 

“I just don’t get this math…yet! (Brainstorm new strategies)

“I’ll never make a free throw” VS. “I haven’t made a free throw …yet!” (Go back to fundamentals and practice)

For teachers: “The kids just don't get this…yet!” 

“The dynamic of this group is tough. I can’t get them to work together…yet!”

“Argh. No matter what I do my math scores are not grade level …yet!” 

For administrators: “Is it the end of the day…yet?” Just kidding! Wrong yet. Plus we all know there is no such thing! Let me try again. For administrators: “We just don’t have the funds for that…yet.”

For parents: “I can’t get Laura to stay in her own bed…yet!” Okay. Let’s face it there are some things to which a growth mindset might not apply and bedtime routine might be one of them. Let’s hope Ms. Dweck isn’t on this blog. But you get the drift!

Now let’s apply this mindset to living our lives in a holy way. First of all, why is it that it took until my mid (okay…late) thirties and a call to serving in Catholic schools to actually learn about the virtues and be asked to think about cultivating them in an intentional way? I was raised in a family that attended church every Sunday. I went to Catholic schools for more than half of my formative years. Yet language of virtue was absent in many ways. What I  know now is that virtue is the most important “not yet.”

It is my hope that as part of the new evangelization, the Pope’s call to renew our relationship with Jesus Christ and his church, that the language of virtue becomes a means for constancy in our formation and thereby the formation of our youth. So let’s take a look at how we can restore and be models of this language in our homes, classrooms, and various offices. 

First of all, kids are smart. They sense sarcasm, being condescended, being talked down to… Half the time we don’t even know we’re doing it because it’s so ingrained in our adult “humor.” They know when you’re really at their level or when pretenses create a barrier of trust. From my experiences, those children who simply need us the most are also the ones who pick up on it faster and are the most vulnerable. We also often confuse what it means to be authoritarian and in control in a virtous way.

So let’s get something straight right away. God really meant it when he said, “Amen, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 18:3) You see - we can’t really practice empathic and intentional growth in virtue unless we first look at every person in our lives and admit that we ourselves are capable of making the same mistakes, starting with the children entrusted to us. 

This concept is also true of the parents whose needs we respond to as educators. We're all capable of making the same mistake. Let’s reverse it parents…this is also true of our expectations of teachers. Now let’s make this really personal - shine the flash light on our marriage sacrament. Can we really admit that we’re capable of making the same mistakes as our spouse? 

So let’s revisit growth mindset in the context of virtue and building relationships in our school, homes, and parishes…

“I just can quite get the respect of (insert name) or connect to them…yet.” (Which virtue will help?)

“My venting always turns into gossiping and I know it. I’ll start over tomorrow and use prudence. I’m just not there…yet.”

“I just can’t forgive them…yet.”

So let’s pray for one another this week that God will show us the place in ourselves and in our relationships that most need a growth mindset with an intentional, empathic response rooted in virtue. May He continue to bestow His unconditional graces on these most challenging opportunities to grow in virtue. Most importantly, may our love for Him grow deeper because of this journey.

(If you want to explore the virtues, go to the side panel and click on the link to the Education in Virtue resources. You can study each cardinal virtue and definitions that your and your children can relate to by what they look and sound like. Just click on "select another virtue" where you see the example "affability" card. At my schools we focus on a virtue of the week and pray that parents are doing so with us at home.)