Meltdowns

Two days after Christmas grandpa realized he forgot to give us his Christmas cards. It happened to be my husband’s day off of work. Being in retail he had worked through most of the holiday. 

We drove to the restaurant that his dad has worked at for many years. Despite nap time encroaching upon us, things seemed to be going fine. The toddlers were playing with the balls at the pool table and dad brought a pizza out to us. The baby was hanging out in his car seat taking it all in.

Getting a little too much in the Christmas spirit, I broke a long lived rule… I gave my four year old quarters for the junk machine. He wanted a punch balloon. He put in the quarter and out came a purple one. 

Disappointed, he looked up at me and said, “I wanted a green one.” 

“That’s too bad,” I replied. “That’s why these machines can be tricky. You don’t always get what you want.” I gently guided him away from the machine.

Seconds later, our two year old emerged with his treasure and it had a green balloon in it. Paulie made a grab for it. I tried to intercept, but was too late. Let the meltdown begin! 

In seconds, crying kids were flung over dad’s shoulders like sacks of potatoes and being hauled out to get buckled in car seats. Mantras like, “You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit,” were therapeutically being repeated, even though reasoning at this point was useless. 

Meanwhile the 8 month old is cooing and laughing to himself in his car seat as my husband re-enters to take him out.  He observes the female sanguine at the next table sticking her fingers in our 8 month old’s mouth. For what reason we don’t know because that one (phlegmatic) never cries! 

Completely disgusted he grabs the car seat and starts deep breathing, giving her a look that could kill as he exits.

I was so busy apologizing to the entire restaurant that I didn’t even notice this stranger with my baby. Feeling a huge sense of mom guilt overwhlem me, I quickly scoop leftover pizza into the take out boxes  and kiss grandpa goodbye. 

Four minutes. 

Four highly emotional minutes among many moments in the day. 

Let’s examine how just this one moment in time can help us grow in virtue by replaying it through the lense of the temperaments.

Paulie the melancholic 4 year old had probably played out this moment in his mind for months after being told over and over again…no quarters. Total injustice ruled his heart the moment it didn’t happen the way he thought it was supposed to happen. 

A prayer for the melancholic: Dear Jesus, I have a strong expectation of the way things should be and high expectations of others. Thank you for this gift. Grant me your grace to accept it when things don’t go as I planned or when others disappoint me.

Mom the sanguine/phlegmatic is looking around the restaurant wondering what people are thinking? Do they think the children are spoiled? Are we coming across as “those parents” who give in to everything? Are they expecting to see a public flogging to prove that we indeed do not let our children get whatever they want?

Looking back, I should NOT have been free spirited at that moment, especially so close to nap time and with no prepping Paulie how the machines work. 

Going back in time - Don’t give the quarters. Who cares that it’s Christmas…Who cares if he is disappointed. He has been every other time he’s been told no too and he has survived. With a little bit of foresight, the whole situation could have been avoided altogether.

A prayer for the phlegmatic: Dear Jesus, thank for giving me a heart that desires peace. Help me to care only about what you think of me. Help me to respond to all situations with love and mercy and disregard the opinions of others if I am doing Your will. 

Random couple at next table - sanguines? They are trying to strike up conversation and give the kids MORE quarters. They are trying to help. Grandpa too is trying to cheer up the boys, but they are lost in their weariness and disappointment. Henry is still upset at the fun being ruined more than anything else.

A prayer for the sanguine: Dear Jesus, thank you for the joy you give me and help me bring to others. Help me to discern the right way to help others in need. Give me the grace to listen and pray in silence for those in need when its appropriate. Help me to accept life’s disappointments. 

Dad (choleric): Once we’re finally in the car the frustration continues to escalate even though the moment is over. He is still brewing over the fact that the random stranger was putting her fingers in Stanley’s mouth. There’s nothing we can do about it now and dwelling on it is clearly not healthy.

A prayer for the choleric: Dear Jesus, thank you for giving me confidence to take swift action when necessary. Help me to be forgiving. When I answer your call and take action, may my works not isolate others but bring them closer to you. 

Four minutes of a typical moment and look how much there is to learn! Imagine God's graces in coming to understand the more complex and burdensome areas of our lives. 

Over the next month, we will dedicate each week to one of the four  temperaments and examine it from a growth mindset. We will look at vices and virtues and how these are exhibited by ourselves, our coworkers, and our children and how we can become holier through empathic relationships with one another and intentional action.

As you make New Year’s resolutions this year, I invite you to set a spiritual goal to grow in virtue by making the language of temperaments and growth mindset part of your journey. Happy New Year!