The Melancholic Disciple

I’ve been reading the book Resisting Happiness by Matthew Kelly, most known for his free program “Best Lent Ever” through Dynamic Catholic (visit DynamicCatholic.com/BestLentEver to learn more.) Matthew Kelly has been traveling the world since 19 years old giving talks and inspiring millions to fall in love with their Catholic faith.

In this particular book, Matthew Kelly writes, “I’m an introvert. I know, I get up there and speak to all those thousands of people, but that is different. I’m at home up there, comfortable and relaxed” (82). He also describes himself as a planner and very organized and makes the point to inform his readers that, “planning is good and necessary up to a point, but we need to find God in the now. (52)” 

By these two statements I infer that Matthew Kelly is a melancholic. Art and Laraine Bennett describe the melancholic as taking a back seat approach to leadership. They are natural introverts drawn to analyzing things with a need for solitude and reflection. Loyalty and justice rule their heart. They can’t resist noting imperfections in themselves (and others). The melancholic is thoughtful, pious, and compassionate. The melancholic longs for perfection.

When I first read Matthew Kelly’s statement about public speaking, I thought of melancholic teachers on our team. One of my very best friends from my days teaching in public schools is definitely a melancholic. She would describe herself growing up as a wallflower who others would describe as painfully shy or her even worse might mislabel her a “snob.” Yet, when she enters into her classroom, she is in her element. How can this be? It is sort of like an alternate world, a stage on which she stands that allows her to exercise her deepest gifts, driven by her belief and passion for changing the world one student at a time. 

Teacher to Teacher (Colleague to Colleague): Melancholics are an important part of our team. They often get a bad rep as the “Debbie downer.” In a faculty meeting, when a new idea is proposed they will come across as resisting change at first as they point out the holes in the plan or those who will get the short end of the stick because of the changes. Because of their input, we can modify our appraoch to meet a goal and  strive to look at all options to create the greatest good.

Teacher to Principal (Supervisor to Employee): Take time to front load your melancholic team member. This will give them the time they need to reflect on changes or issues that might be introduced to the greater team. It will minimize a sense of negativity in a larger group because they have had time to internalize the purpose and reason. 

Also, be sure to use strategies that allow all voices to be heard. Your melancholic employee might have the “missing link” to a  plan that will drive the mission but have a difficult time contributing in a large group unless they feel a sense of trust and are safe from judgment. Your melancholic team member is an asset! They are loyal to the highest degree once trust is established. They are a true crusader for their faith and Catholic education, bearing sacrifices with grace and honor.

Teacher to Student (Parent to Child): Your melancholic student may be driven to anxiety at times. They seek order and have a difficult time being put on the spot, especially publicly. They are observers and will surprise you when weeks after a lesson is over a deep connection is made out of blue.

My oldest son is four years old and easily identifiable as melancholic. My husband is a choleric and in many ways this is like mixing fire and water. He thinks Paulie should listen because I told him so. Yet, Paulie is more likely to comply if someone invests the time in explaining the greater purpose. This takes time and energy that teachers and parents often lack.

Likewise, what might look like downright disobedience is usually driven by the melancholic’s need to explore an idea that they have been observing and thinking about for awhile. If it’s not a favorable action, I find that giving my son time to explain why he was doing it often saves him from a prolonged meltdown and me a headache. This is not the same as “giving in” because after the child explains their reasoning, the parent or teacher should still follow through on the given directive. 

However, don’t be surprised if the melancholic makes you stop dead in your tracks and ask yourself- why do I care about this? Is this rule or desired action even necessary? Is it one of those things we are doing because it’s always been done that way? Am I preventing students from learning and inquiry? 

For example: From across the room I see Paulie making a mess by the sink. “Paulie - quit playing in the sink.” He ignores me. Grrrr. “Paulie, why are you ignoring me. I said - stop now. You’re making a mess and it’s time for dinner.”  More selective hearing. I walk over to him. “Paulie, what are you doing?” 

“I’m saving 10 people by bringing them water.”

I look into the sink and see ten spoons carefully laid out. He has a firetruck and little cup that he’s using to fill a bowl. 

“I see. That’s very noble of you. You make a good hero. Now it’s time to start cleaning up though because I need to get dinner ready. Can I help you?” This type of interaction usually yields the most desired effect. 

Melancholics in your class will benefit beyond measure during independent work if you take the time to check in with them after direct instruction and get them started on a few problems. Identify these students and rotate among them early on. They are the ones likely to be staring at blank sheet of paper for five minutes during writing workshop when prewriting. Once they get a gentle push in the right direction and a boost of confidence, their performance will wow you! 

Self: I imagine that because of the natural desire for perfection, growth mindset philosophy is most difficult to embrace for this temperament. In addition, the melancholic is likely offended by the thought of being pigeon-holed into a temperament category. Kudos to you if you are going outside yourself by using this blog as way to grow in virtue.

Often times, your insecurities will rule you. Don’t let them! You intuitive nature and observations make you invaluable to your students and peers. Under your care, their needs will never go unnoticed or be forgetten. 

Pray for confidence to face what you deem to be imperfections. Try to accept the idea that all things, including you and me, are a work in progress. Don’t let gaps and contradictions in curriculum, instruction, assessment, school programs or policies keep you from enjoying the teaching and learning process or being immersed in the joy that surrounds you. Lastly, try to rise above “holding grudges.” Your sense of justice is a beautiful thing, but withers if not embraced in love and relationship.

If you are a melancholic and you have been regularly reading this blog, I give you tons of credit. This effort alone means you have a deep desire to grow in virtue and holiness. Matthew Kelly recognized that he is growing in virtue everytime he tries not to let his “plans” rule him, but challenges himself to be immersed in the present moment. Your longing for perfection might at times make you feel like you are constantly battling being judgmental or feeling insecure. Yet, this “cross” is precisely the gift that God has given you to lead you to sainthood if applied intentionally to grow in virtue.